The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print
operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a
leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
Feelings of inadequacy are widespread among parents of teenagers. Questions such as, “Did I handle this situation correctly?” haunt them. If you have ever felt this way, then rest assured you’re functioning, as you should. Things may appear hopeless, but they are probably better than you imagine.
During the years you have teenagers at home, the resulting tension and disagreements may confuse and distress you.
Unpleasant as they might be, disagreements indicate that the channels of communication are open. Such open conflict is better than a cold-war atmosphere in which family members retreat to silent hostility or indifference.
BE FIRM BUT LOVING...
However difficult your teenagers may be, keep open the doors of acceptance, love and communication. Be firm, yet loving. Your teenager may be hostile, bitter, rebellious, sullen, and unresponsive. You may have reached your wit’s end and wish to withdraw, fight back, or ask her to leave. However, always remember that the more difficult the child, the more she needs your love and concern.
She may reject every effort you put forth, but never reject her. Act maturely during times of stress even when she can’t. Acting in a firm but loving manner no matter how traumatic the circumstances will pay rich dividends someday since she will emulate your behavior in the years to come.
GUILT IS A THIEF...
Guilt over what has or has not been done only makes matters worse. Our fear of failure often clouds our thinking so that we can no longer distinguish between valid guilt and irrational guilt. Each new problem encountered presents new fears of inadequacy until the oppressing guilt we feel paralyses us. If we can’t deal with guilt feelings openly and honestly, they will corrupt all our relationships-with our mate, other children in the family, in-laws, and fellow workers. Guilt is a thief. It robs us of joyful living.
INFLUENCE AND CONTROL....
You have overwhelming influence on the child but should distinguish between influence and control. Both can be exercised during the early years, but eased up on control when a child becomes a teenager. Every child is a unique individual and has a will of her own and the power to make decisions.
Your worth and identity are not dependent on what you have or haven’t accomplished as a parent. Appreciate your own worth! Only then will you be able to deal with your guilt and help your child through those traumatic teen years.
Your child is a person of worth, even though she may have chosen different values than you would have her choose. She must be allowed to develop her own values and live her life as she sees fit. The older she gets, the less we are able to control and the more we can only influence a youngster.
LOOK BEYOND BEHAVIOUR...
Remember that there is a person of worth behind objectionable behavior. You must see beyond behavior. Behavior is only a symptom to a troubled teen who is unable to cope with the pressures of life. God’s example of unconditional love provides a model for us when dealing with wayward teenagers.
Times may come when you will hurt, and nothing will make the pain go away. Only our own children can hurt us in such a manner. What should a parent do at this point? You lapse into tremendous periods of guilt. You wait. You pray. You hope; but for how long?
Although not set in concrete forever, circumstances are the way they are. You can’t make the pain disappear. But you can choose to focus on hope for the future. Resist dwelling on the negative side of life of your teenager. Cling to hope for the future.
Hold fast. Oh, how difficult this is in the middle of the night when you do not know where your teenager is!
join