When a spouse cheats

It is devastating to discover that your spouse or lover is cheating. It is even harder to figure out how to deal it, writes Anthony kagiri

When you find out that your spouse is cheating, the first thing that comes to mind is despair. The pain of betrayal and loss of trust has sent many to stress, depression and divorce.

Cheating is usually a culmination of days of ‘unworking’ love, whether it was obvious or unknown. Nancy Van Pelt, author of To Have and To Hold, says that when love is not working, a couple has three options: To walk away, stay there and endure the pain; or confront it.

For those dating, leaving is easy since there is less baggage to deal with like children and family relations. For the married, it is never easy to leave; neither does it solve the problem.

“Divorce is an escape mechanism and is thus the most immature of the three options,” writes Pelt.

Some, especially women, choose to endure the pain and live on, probably because of the children. Some will take the precautions of protected sex or no sex at all. However, failing to confront the issue means living an unfulfilled life.

It takes courage to deal with a cheating lover, but for you to have a fulfilled marriage, it must be done. There are enough examples of couples dating or married who confronted cheating and are today living happier lives than before.

It must be clear to your partner from the onset that you are committed to your marriage or relationship and you are ready to fight for it. However, they should know that you are not going to sit there and allow them to go on cheating since you are totally in love.

When it is your man cheating, don’t get into the discussion when emotional. Cheating is a serious issue and needs sobriety and facts. Lay all the facts you have on the table without holding back. Let him know the facts are against him.

Don’t go with the victim attitude or appear to be seeking mercy from him. If your woman is cheating, ensure you are sober and avoid any violent tendencies. When confronted violently, women turn emotional, become the victim and can easily arm twist you.

“It is going to be fruitless trying to get your partner to admit the cheating by posing a question since if they are cheating: Cheaters lie,” says Willie Mintah, author of Marriage God’s Way.

Rather, present the evidence you’ve gathered that proves the cheating such as dates, places, phone calls, SMS, names and the like. Then progress these with questions such as: How did it start? How long has it been going on? How do you feel with him/her? What do you intend to do now that I know this?

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