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Ten characters you will find in a banking hall

County_Nairobi

Banking halls are melting pots of personalities from all walks of life. We take a look at how different people behave in banking halls.

1. The rookie This one is in the bank to open his first account and newbie is prominently scrawled all over his forehead. He eyes every one with a profound sense of paranoia, yet the minimum amount required to open an account is only Sh3,000.

2. Mtu biz The entrepreneurial type that missed meeting ‘Uncle Barry’ at the recent GES Summit. They irritate other customers to high heavens with loud phone calls instructing people the other end of the phone: “Endeni River Road mnunue fertilizer ile cheap!” This prompts the soja to intervene, but they carry on just at the bank’s entrance.

3. Toto mama Every once in a while, you will encounter a mother standing in line with a toddler strapped to her back. The baby’s cries soon become ear-piercing shrieks. You politely allow her to get ahead of the queue. But if only you knew the baby was crying for its real mother, from whom it was borrowed to beat the long school opening bank queues, you probably wouldn’t have budged.

4. Nishikie laini vixens

There exists a cunning breed of bank customers who never sweat the small stuff, like standing in line. The fox takes a position behind you before politely requesting “Nishikie nifanye photocopy dakika moja.” With such a dazzling smile, you readily oblige, only for you to later spy the young lady lounging at the waiting sofa, chatting away on her phone awaiting your turn to get back from ‘photocopying.’

5. The chatterbox Woe unto you if you’re sharing breathing space with ‘Mr Chatterbox.’ They complain about everything - the long queue, slow service, all the way to ‘vile hii dollar imefika mia... itatuumiza Uhuru asipo chunga!’’ 

6. The space hog The space hog comes in two types. There is the ATM hog who spends two hours withdrawing Sh1,000. Then there is the psycho who doesn’t give two hoots about personal space, standing zero inches behind you in the name of ‘kusonga mbele’. 

7. The ghost workers You never know where they are. They serve customers for a minute then disappear. They might still be on an official duty at the back, but the coincidence of three empty teller counters at the peak of a banking period is really torturing.

8. The cavorting tellers You never know angst until the teller serving you is engaged in idle chat and you can do zilch about it. The gorgeous lady colleague flirts with the guy teller serving you, until you cough loudly and the lady throws you the daggers and leaves to try her luck later.

9. The eternal client Don’t you wish for lighting to strike this particular client? This person spends eternity transacting a probable World Bank funds transfer. 

10. The chai customer There are those customers who go to the executive banking section where tea is served at the dispenser. They gulp four cups of tea, then pretend to make a phone call and melt out into the streets!

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