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10 places Obama should visit while in Kenya

Barack Obama University

Kenya’s most famous son jets in later this month. Nairobians expect to be inconvenienced, but are all the same proud that he will be the first sitting president of the United States of America to visit Kenya. The fact that his dad was a Kenyan makes it all the more juicier, even as we mend strained diplomatic relationship following the coming to power of the Jubilee duo.

Now things are better and Obama will be here. As you may have noticed, parts of Nairobi where Obama is likely to ‘visit’, such as Mombasa Road, are getting a face-lift. Quite ironically, an eight-hour visit can spur such large scale gardening and landscaping of roads, while the rest of us who get stuck in the city traffic four hours daily have to endure eyesores.

But what if Obama decides that he wants to see the real Nairobi. If he were to ask to be shown around the city, we suggest the following:

1. Outering Road

Nairobi’s and the world’s most potholed road will provide a bumpy ride and a good test for the famed US presidential motorcade. We request that he makes a detour through Pipeline to see what a concrete slum looks like. In fact, he should elect to use that specific road on his way to town.

2. Obama University

The Kiambu-based university was recently shut down for failing to meet the Commission for Higher Education requirements, but Obama could breathe life into it by embracing it, funding it and giving it a certain mandate to ensure his legacy is entrenched in Kenya.

3. Burma Market

Here, he will be served the juiciest steak that he can drown with a Coke as he swats buzzing flies. He can also see where Nairobians, rich and poor, get their meaty supplies from. We’ll cross our fingers and hope that his aides know the difference between ng’ombe and punda meat.

4. Keroche Industries

We all remember him endorsing Guinness while in Ireland, where the other half of his ancestors hail from. In Kenya, we have even had beers named after him. Is it too much to ask if he can drop by Naivasha and gulp down a Summit Lager in the spirit of supporting local entrepreneurship?

5. Dandora dumpsite

Obama too can go to Dandora and kill two birds with one stone - visit the slum, as well as see the biggest dumping site anywhere in the world that not even the government can touch because it has its ‘owners.’ Maybe some university abroad might commission a research on how to deal with the eyesore while benefiting the rich and poor stakeholders.

6. Gikomba Market

The largest ‘annual fire’ has just had its toll on Gikomba. It would be good for the son of Kogelo to be seen identifying with his Kenyan brothers by commiserating with their loss.

The visit would be double-edged as he would also be ‘protecting’ the interests of the US textile industry, seeing as mtush mostly comes from the US. On his way out, he can also pass by the jua kali stalls and buy a jiko - winters in the US can be quite cold, you know.

7. Wakulima Market

Hoping he will endure the pneumonic stench, here he will see where Nairobians get their daily supplies of ‘fresh’ foods, because it is food that fuels Nairobi’s frenetic pace that the rest of the capitals in East African have failed to catch up with.

8. Oloolo

Now this is a must-visit for Obama. In Kaloleni, there is a joint known as K’anyim Bar. Now this is where his dad, Obama Senior, used to frequent. He was coming from this pub when he had an accident which took his life. Maybe he can order that it be turned into a museum!

9. Garden City Mall

Here, he will be able to see the other side of Nairobi. Where the rich supposedly shop.

10. DP Ruto’s office

The two can talk about the touchy issue of gay rights. We expect that this would be a robust debate, which should probably be televised.

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