My husband wants me to allow him to sleep with other women in my presence to spice up our bedroom life

I’m a 52-year-old woman and my partner and I have a great relationship, including a good sex life – apart from one thing.

He is obsessed with the idea of intro­ducing others into our sex life, meaning threesomes and foursomes.

He seems to think it would “enhance” our relationship, but I feel it has the potential to destroy it. He says I should be able to separate love and sex, but I can’t.

I actually can’t bear the thought of seeing him with another woman and can’t understand why he would want to see me with another man, but he says it would turn him on.

I have tried to convince myself that I could handle this, but I’m just not cut out for it. I have no desire for other men.

All I want is to have a normal loving relationship and to feel cherished by my partner.

He’s now saying that if I’m not prepared to do it, he would like to do it on his own.

I feel this is totally disrespectful to me. It’s already affecting my self-esteem, self-worth and confidence, and I feel totally inadequate.

Is this a normal request? He seems to think it is.

Coleen says

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with fantasies, but I think it’s wrong of your partner to insist you make those a reality if you don’t want to. The simple fact is, if you give in, it will destroy your relationship and you’ll resent him for it.

If he carries on threatening to do it on his own (i.e. demanding you give him your blessing to absolve him of any guilt) then tell him to go ahead but not to come home afterwards.

And ask him if he’s really thought this through. He might think he’ll be turned on seeing you with other men, but I’ve spoken to many people who had the same attitude as your partner, but actually felt very differently once they were in the situation.

Also, isn’t he even slightly worried there might be some guy you think is fantastic, one who you might want to see more of?

The bottom line is, if you get bullied into doing it, this will not make your relationship any better. Generally, I do think men are better at separating love from sex, but there’s much more to it than that.

While it might be a huge turn-on for him at the time, he needs to think about the bigger picture – how it’s going to affect things between you down the line and if it’s worth it.

If it’s just a lack of excitement in the bedroom that’s making him want to experiment, then there are other things you can do to spice things up.

If you’re dead against the idea of it, then don’t be talked into it. If he loves you, he should respect your decision.