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How do I start over after divorce?

Relationships
 How do I start over after a divorce? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I haven’t been divorced long, but I’m sure I’ll want to be in a new relationship again sometime. But everything about relationships makes me more than a little nervous at the moment. What should I do to make a successful start?

Starting Over

Chris says, 

Hi Starting Over!

Don’t start dating seriously until you’ve got over your ex. That means finding out why you chose him in the first place and why things went wrong. And forgive him and yourself for it.

You should also spend some time gaining a better understanding of your personality and values and clarifying what you’re really looking for in a relationship.

Then, when you start dating again, it’s important that you only date the good guys.

This means focusing on men you meet through work, family and friends, or an interest you both share. Because you already know a lot about them. Like at least one of their interests! Or their profession. Or that your friends or family already like them.

When you start dating someone new, look out for signs that they lack integrity or have bad relationship habits. Does their lifestyle suggest they might be unfaithful? Is he easy to be with or is your relationship full of endless drama? Signs of insecurity? Or controlling behaviour?

Also, consider how well your new boyfriend fits in with your family and friends and how comfortable you are with him. And listen to your intuition. If you get the feeling that something isn’t right, it probably is. Don’t ignore these feelings, they can save you a lot of trouble.

Another cardinal rule is not to get too close too soon. For example, don’t even kiss until you’re SURE he’s single, reliable and trustworthy. And get to know him well before you slip naked between the sheets.

You may want to, but successful couples take their time before having sex. Almost half wait more than a year. By then, they know they work well together. And the stage is set for success.

All the best,

Chris

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