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10 annoying pub habits of Nairobi revellers

Lifestyle

After a hard day at work, you head to the pub to relax, listen to music or just catch up with friends.

The relaxing atmosphere in our watering holes can sometimes be turned into hell holes by some inconsiderate Kenyans.

Below are some annoying, disgusting as well as stupid things, some people do in pubs.

1. Releasing mahewa

We know pubs are noisy places and no one will hear you trumpet away, but why should an adult fart ovyo ovyo in a dimly-lit, smoke-filled joint where the humid air is aggravated by cigarette smoke, acrid stench from unisex urinal and the billow from the meat joint outside? Okay, we understand that in high-end clubs the only smell that should assault your nostrils is the scent of Miss Babes criss-crossing her legs next to you. But, please, please (in the name of Arthur Guinness), stop farting in pubs!

2. Tipsy, suspicious minds Bar maids work long hours with very poor pay, yet you’re a tightwad when it comes to tipping. Most are single toto mamas. They have to inflate the bill to offset the money that should have come from a deadbeat Kenyan who bolted after paging them.

Why should you get into a pub at 7pm on a Friday evening, leave at 3am on a Saturday morning, and expect your bill not to be doctored?

A wise drinker, spurred by alcohol-induced intelligence once said, ‘keep all the bottle tops of the beer you take in your pockets. When the bill comes, the bottle tops must tally with the bill!’

3. Cry babies Most men get violent when drunk. Guilty as charged. But for women, it’s the complete opposite. Not a Friday passes by before I notice a woman crying ‘Mayooooooo!’ hysterically in the pub. It could be that her pet dog, Tete, was run over by a car two years ago. Or she has seen her ex-boyfriend looking high, but happy.

Dear woman, if you have to cry, please do so around 6pm so that a dude can tafuta another mpango.

4. Can’t pay, won’t pay Let’s get one thing straight. Friends buy each other drinks, bad friends, drink on your tab. If you can’t buy a man a drink, then don’t allow him to either. If you are a student who leaves the house with Sh200 and gets sloshed until morning, that’s perfectly sensible. For a chic, a man might get lucky someday...but a grown man with a wife and children...hell no!

6. Oh please, get a room!

We have all seen them. The college girl and the old geezer all over each other, dangerously doing with the lips what the hands do. Stop folks, you are in danger of asphyxiation. But now that you are engaged in foreplay, why don’t you make our night?

7. Handsy pervert Boys, if you don’t know how to hold your liquor, limit yourself to a two-drink maximum.

There is no pitiable sight than a man walking around the club pinching chics’ butts while laughing like a hyena.

8. Nude is not a colour We all know you can be classy without being trashy. If you aren’t selling your wares, don’t expose them since your naked body belongs to your bed, preferably next to your man.

9. Camouflaged These are patrons who just blend in with the chairs and tables. They act like they’re bored, nursing one soda all night while people watching.

10. Something in your eye? Those men who wink at other men’s chics should be subjected to public castration ‘ili iwe funzo kwao na wengine wenye tabia kama yao!’

@DavidOdongo

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