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A 'kaliwa'd' husband equals a happy wife, so enough with the victim mentality

Counties

Unhappy couple

With every New Year comes some strange relationship trend. In the last five years or so we have seen everything from ‘mpango wa kando’ to second wives to single and happy.

The latest trend, which seems to be rearing its ugly head in 2015 is the ‘married but single wife’, a title which so many married women are miserably carrying around like a bad case of flu.

A woman who is married but lives like she is single. In other words a deserted wife. A woman who has a husband but sleeps alone. She shares parental responsibility with no one and so despite having a husband, she is mother and father to her children. When it comes to paying the bills she does everything from school fees to house bills because her husband is out treating his friends who are more fun than her

I used to feel sorry for such women including some of my close friends who were shocked and traumatised that their once-upon-a-time-Prince-Charming had turned into a dastardly villain who cared for no one else but himself, but now that I am older and wiser I do not waste my pity anymore.

I have come to realise one truth; a revelation that if half the women in the world would realise, then there would be many happy marriages: If a man is coming home at three in the morning, refusing to help with the bills but instead spends money entertaining friends while you toil alone, and refuses to act like a husband and father, it is your fault as a wife!

If you entertain a man who does the bare minimum then you will have a bare minimum type of marriage or relationship.

The truth of the matter is men are dogs or big babies. They need training on pretty much everything, from how to behave. Most importantly they need a woman in their life to place boundaries for them. When this is not done, that is when you get a husband who thinks it is okay to come home at two in the morning.

Women need to understand the power that they wield and stop acting like their husbands did them a big favour by marrying them.

As a young girl, I watched as my mother worked her magic, she was the master manipulator and expert at getting her way.

I watched her perform her voodoo on my father. She was the soft spoken doting wife who treated her man like a king, then there were times she was the beautiful seductress who totally confused my father, and whenever necessary she turned into a mad, angry woman no one could mess with. My father knew when it was time to surrender because there would be serious consequences for him.

So enough with the victim mentality or this long suffering act that so many women seem to have mastered, in order to tell anyone who will indulge them for five minutes how their man is wrong and that they are the good ones. Style up and open your eyes to the power that you wield as a woman.

Look around and I assure you that if you see a happy couple, in the background is a man who is kaliwa'd by his wife!

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