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Guide to dining at politician's expense

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MP's expense

Our politicians and their acolytes are not left behind when festive season kicks in. The joy, the happiness, the over-eating and excessive feasting of the season also rubs off onto them.

They visit friends, voters, and government employees, anyone that has money or looks like they might have money; after all, Kenyan politicians are after money first and all other things second.

Seek ye the kingdom of money, they intone, and all other things shall follow. Politicians are sly, and like all conmen and other dishonest people, they want to use you.

More accurately, they want to use your money, they want to eat your money, but in such a way that you actually end up thanking them for making you broke.

Never accept an invitation to go dining out with a politician. The politician is well-known, you are not. Mheshimiwa will simply tell the restaurant to follow you with the bill, and your dining goose will have been well and truly cooked.

But if you really have to accompany your politician to the local restaurant, here is a guide to ensuring you don’t get swindled. First, as soon as you walk into the restaurant with Mheshimiwa, you need to loudly proclaim that he is the one paying the bills.

Hang on a few seconds for the waiter to show up, and then loudly thank the Mheshimiwa for buying you that meal. A large, deep laugh is appropriate at this point, after which you add, again, in a very loud voice, that you would be too broke to afford that restaurant were it not for the generosity of the honorable Mheshimiwa.

Beware, though, that this will invariably get you into the bad books of the politician. Waheshimiwa do not take kindly to being made to pay for things, which is why their salaries are tax-free and they eat free food at Parliament House before heading home.

But given just how much they swindle from us, it cannot be a bad thing that they get to pay a bill or two once in a while!

Photo: www.hunningtonpost.com  

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