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How your hood determines your habit city girl

Nairobi has peculiar women. Like the breed that would rather fork out Sh30,000 for a dog’s cage in Lang’ata, South B, South C, Kilimani, Kileleshwa or Lavington, rather than hole up in a two-bedroom house in Embakasi. They call it class. With time, it’s become easy to tell which estate a woman comes from just by studying her mannerism. Your address dictates your lifestyle.

A Karen woman will never be caught wearing leopard print pants. Neither will you ever find her partying along Moi Avenue, even if her old guy owns the darn joint. On the other hand, a woman from Eastlands is not going to ‘waste’ money on pricey liquor. You will find her imbibing the hard stuff (makali in street parlance) and is most likely to ‘charge up’ before venturing out for a party, or whatever merriment is on the cards.

According to Moi University sociologist, Prof Okumu-Bigambo, women respond to their environment easily in their thinking and behaviour. “A woman is a very flexible being and often changes with circumstances. Since they hate to be the sticking sore thumbs, they tend to blend and to fit within the norms of their surroundings,” say the prof.

But Prof Bigambo says this tendency could be detrimental, if only for the fact that they may be forced to let go of their defining values and morals. “It is unfortunate, because if they live in a debauched environment, chances are that they will degenerate into depravity. This is probably the reason why more women have of late been joining criminal gangs,” he explains. I guess it’s also why they are weighed down by debts.

It’s possible to discern where a woman retires in the evening by simply observing how she talks, her choice of food and drinks, as well as fashion sense. We asked Nairobians to profile women and their hoods and got quite an interesting feedback. Yes, the findings may be subjective, but they are just as insightful nonetheless.

1. BURUBURU WOMEN The original ‘Buru’ woman still considers herself the elite of Eastlands, even though the neighbourhood has since been taken over by a crowd of Jane-come-lately, a group that dreamed of living here when Buru was Nairobi’s middle class heaven.

Education: A typical Buru girl probably attended Buruburu Girls, St George’s, Pangani Girls or Huruma Girls before proceeding to uni or college, most likely Grafffins.Occupation: Most are in PR, communications and the hospitality industry. You’ll also find a number of journalists here, as well as women who star in B-rate music videos.

Language: Buru women popularised the Swanglish and Kenglish phrases like, kujaad home, lengaad my call and lalaad.

Hang-out joints: Hornbill is the preferred choice in town, after all, Buru matatus operate 24/7 and the stage is just a stone throw from this drinking hole. They will also hang around Greenspan mall in Donholm, while those who can’t stand the neighbourhood’s ‘invaders’ would rather frequent Tribeka and clubs in Westlands.

Drinks: They mostly swill affordable alcopops, that’s ready-to-drink spirits like Smirnoff Ice and bottled Bacardi. They are also the first to latch on to any new affordable and hyped drink like Snapp.

Dating: Buru women have had chemistry with makangas for ages. That is a given, what with their matatus being the trendiest in the city, and their touts are probably the most polished by matatu industry standards. A typical Buru girl also has a sugar daddy somewhere to foot her bills, as well as a young boyfriend within the neighbourhood with whom she exchanges sweet-nothings over WhatsApp.

Fashion: They shop for six-inch high heels from World Business Centre and high-end mitumba in Ngara and Mutindwa flea markets.

2. LANGATA Those who live here flaunt and value their class. ‘L.A,’ in any case, is a dyed in the wool middle-class address. It is the transitionary pit for those who ‘have arrived, but are not there to stay.’ It is here that you will find Nairobi’s harassed lot who are under pressure to impress and to keep up with the Trevor Omondis.Education: They go to renowned provincial schools like Moi Nairobi Girls and Precious Blood before proceeding to Deyo (Daystar), USIU or UoN, where they get into a pressure cooker of ‘class.’ Alumni of mashinani unis like Moi or Maseno are rarely under pressure to impress.Occupation: They toil in corporate blue chip companies, with a career path that follows a predictable trajectory in marketing, media, PR, law and the like.

Language: They speak an unadulterated English.

Drinks: These women will go for reasonably priced, but not cheap, non-premium spirits like Viceroy. They are also known to take your regular lager and a cocktail of drinks like gin and tonic and apple martini.

Hangout joints: They hang out at Psys, T-Mall, Rafikiz and Tamasha in Nairobi West, that is besides the scheduled drinks during nyama choma and chama meetings. They also permanently feature in Carnivore theme nights like Ramogi Night.

Dating: They are inevitably attracted to the upwardly mobile man who earns more or at least as much as she does.

Fashion: They try to keep up with the trends, and will step out in what can be described as respectable outfits that befit a corporate lady.

3. KILIMANI WOMEN A Kilimani woman would only move out of her folks home to get married, or when the number in the age scale is dangerously teetering towards 35! Reason? A ‘Kili’ lass can’t move to an address ‘beneath’ her conceited middle class sensibilities. If she has to change neighbourhoods, then the movers truck must chug towards Runda, Lavington or Karen.

Education: She went to Le Pic School, Msongari, Makini, Consolata, Riara School, Loreto Valley Road, St Christopher’s and thereafter to a private university that did not use up all her parents’ retirement savings.Occupation: She is a corporate middle-level manager, a socialite, media personality, NGO officer, UN programme officer, or running a ‘business’ as a ‘consultant.’

Language: She converses in perfect English, except for the ‘recently,’ wealthy ones who are beholden to their roots and love to chat in vernacular.

Dating: Those who pay their own rent would date straight, honest guys. But then there is a host of them who are ‘kept’ by an old moneyed geezer to sustain a high-maintenance lifestyle that even they can’t afford on their own! Not surprising therefore that a number of them are stuck in a pit of credit card debt as they struggle to maintain the pricey life of a ‘Kili’ woman. Any auctioneer will confirm this.

Fashion: They are very fashionable and have an eye for Turkish designer clothes.

4. SOUTH B AND C WOMEN These two estates are only separated by Mombasa Road. However, most South C women are settled, unlike their B counterparts, who are probably there for the convenience of 24-hour public transport and proximity to the CBD.

South C is more laid-back and is home to the woman with a relatively well-maintained jalopy. The woman here is a party animal, the nocturnal type. She is a typical middle class woman who is breaking the class barrier. Education: She schooled in Nairobi Primary, St George’s or State House Girls.

Occupation: The woman here is a corporate nabob who is lording it over in banking, government, parastatal or a successful business.

Language: Her English is excellent and she can also speak formal Swahili quite well.

Hangout joints: She prefers to enjoy herself in Nairobi West, Baricho Road and Mombasa Road.

Drink: She’s the type to indulge in creamy and sweet drinks. These women are the ‘new look’ pricier version of the Lang’ata brand. But South B women down more alcohol than those in South C. They wouldn’t eat fries from any joint – it has to be from a specific fast food outlet, preferably a foreign franchise.

Dating: South C chicks would go for the financially stable dude, particularly the many pilots and aeronautic engineers who live along Mombasa Road, while their counterparts in South B are likely to be running thriving businesses, besides being mistresses of some local politician.

Fashion: They dress in decent mitumba outfits.

5. EMBAKASI WOMEN Embakasi probably has the highest concentration of bars and restaurants in Nairobi, hence it is where you are most likely going to run into a big number of ‘night nurses’. The lodgings here are probably fully-booked by 8pm.

Education: Women here have schooled in Good Testimony Academy, public schools and public universities.

Occupation: They are mostly airline hostesses or clerks at some company in Industrial Area.

Language: They speak regular Swahili and sheng with a smattering of English.

Drinks: They are drawn to Tusker malt and red wine, mostly at a local bar. They don’t have the money to spend on cabs, so they will always keep it close to home.

Dating: Since they are pretty, but perpetually broke, they are attracted to older and married or moneyed men.

Fashion: There is nothing to write home or dismiss about their sense of fashion. It is not spectacular neither is it detestable.

6. DAGORETTI CORNER WOMEN

These women are always the first to attend events at The Nairobi Show and Ngong Racecourse due to the proximity their hood to these venues. So, they’ll be there marvelling at a polo game, even if they can’t tell a donkey from a horse! You’ll see them dreamy-eyed and spell-bound by vintage Concours d’Elegance cars, despite the fact that her income and that of whoever she’s going to marry would not afford any of the classics even in two lifetimes!

Rent here hovers in the neighbourhood of Sh25,000, thus most of them live together to cut that expense.

Education: These women schooled in Moi Girls Isinya and other schools in the periphery of Nairobi. They later advanced their education in middle-level accountancy or management colleges.

Occupation: They work in mitumba shops or perfume refilling stores along Moi Avenue. The lucky ones wake up every morning for a day job at a car hire or micro-finance company as sales ‘executives.’

Dating: They mostly date men who can at least take them for nyama choma at Jojen Butchery and, if they are lucky enough, for a beer at Tankard.

Drink: Those who feel more enlightened are known to throng Brew Bistro for freshly brewed beer. And they always insist they stay at The Junction, whereas they actually come from Wanyee!

Fashion: They dress in cheap silk and almost-new mtumba high heels from Toi Market at Adams Arcade.

7. DANDORA AND JERI WOMEN Jericho or ‘Jeri’ and Dandora or ‘D’ (which has been said to also stand for ‘dagger, danger, dubious or deadly) women are said to be “like snakes.” If you invite one for a drink in a club, be prepared to see at least five of them snaking through the stairs to your table, and all of them will expect to get high on your tab. Thankfully, they don’t go for the expensive stuff, and will take whatever you can afford. Jeri women are tough and have no time for fools and idlers.

Education: They would have most likely gone through the doors of Huruma Girls and other public schools.

Occupation: The lucky ones are in between jobs, ‘burning’ DVDs or working at the Jericho market. Quite a number of them are jobless.

Dating: They are attracted to men in their hood, since most ‘decent’ chaps can’t put up with their hardiness. These are not the women you make a booty call to. They breed like rats and have at least two babies with different fathers. She and her babies, LeRoy and Sha’nique, live with her parents. Her brother Nesta may also occasionally tag along with her to a date. Drink: They are not averse to ‘makali’ which is what can at least heat their blood to a boil.

Fashion: They don’t care about your opinion, and will boldly sport leopard print and multi-coloured pants.

8. GITHURAI WOMEN Githurai is probably the most notorious estate along the Thika Superhighway and is known for its runaway insecurity and crowded concrete slums. Githurai women are mostly young and have dubious backgrounds. Education: Most of the women here went to public schools, particularly those along Thika Road and in Central Kenya, such as Mugoiri Girls, Kaaga Girls or Mukurweini Girls. Occupation: They are hustlers, eking out a living in stalls or open-air markets. Some are waitresses or bartenders in not-so-remarkable hotels and restaurants in the CBD.

Language: They prefer their mother tongue or sheng.

Drinks: Brand is of little significance to them. They would go for the most affordable beer or wine available. Their knowledge of beer or anything alcoholic is limited – don’t be surprised if you see one mixing Amarula with Coke!

Dating: They are rarely in stable relationships, what with the demand of their jobs. They are therefore easy pick for hit-and-run men. Besides, most of them are single mothers, which kind of make their dating life complicated, really.

Fashion: They prefer long-lasting huge weaves, the kind that will make you regret sitting next to one in a matatu! You can also single them out in their flashy-coloured clothes in a Paradiso bus. They popularised the ‘condom’ shoes and are the target market for the numerous cheap shoe shops along Ronald Ngala Road. Zimmerman is like Githurai, with the exception that their women are slightly more polished and earn a little bit more. It is rumoured that this hood is home to more twilight girls and ‘kept’ women than any estate in Nairobi.

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