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Awkward moment when your man wants you to behave like a porn star

Between The Sheets
 Photo: Courtesy

Since the beginning of time, women have done all sorts of things in the name of making our men happy. Look, we have bought long, European hair extensions because despite men’s alleged hate for weaves, like bees to nectar, they get drawn to ladies who have them.

When we discovered that men love women with big butts, we did everything humanly possible to have humongous backsides. Some even pop pills to fatten their posteriors. Heck, others buy padded underwear to do the trick.

Then when men decided that they wanted us to look like our Hollywood sisters; all polished and perfect like dolls, we indulged their fantasy. And when they discovered that they liked fit women, we hit the gym and starved ourselves. Never mind men these days think having pot bellies at the ‘tender’ age of 28 is sexy.

The list goes on and on. Women have been known to do just about anything to keep their man happy. All they need to do is name it and we pull it off!

Bedroom acrobatics

However, gentlemen, I have news for you. There is a place we draw the line. There are some things we will not do to keep a man. Take for instance, this nonsense of men expecting their girlfriends to engage in some bedroom acrobatics as if they were porn-stars.

From some of the questions women I have noticed a good number claim their partners are putting pressure on them to indulge in sexual activities in the bedroom that they are not comfortable with.

Adult movies

One distressed woman, who I will call Jane, wrote in, claiming that her partner was putting pressure on her to indulge in anal sex; something she was not comfortable with.

Not long ago, another one wrote in, saying that her boyfriend is in the habit of demanding strange sex positions, which he sees in adult movies.

Well, I know everything these days is hyper-sexualized, from advertisements to animations and even the news. So much so that if you do not watch blue movies, you will still get a dose on popular television series or soap operas.

And I am afraid men have started to get the wrong ideas about sex. I take it upon myself to get them back on track.

Firstly, I do not judge, everyone is allowed to get their kicks in whatever positions or styles that rock their boat. But seriously, men need to wake up and smell the coffee, and realise that adult movies and sex on television can never be the same as real life. One is fantasy and the other is reality.

For men dealing with real women and not actresses, porn and television sex is the instructional equivalent of replacing a law degree with episodes of Suits or the Good Wife and then imagining you are an advocate of the High Court.

It is very awkward and torturous for women when a man breaks out these moves in the bedroom, and expects us to climax. Partly because we are insulted, sometimes physically bruised or left feeling unsatisfied in every possible way.

Lastly, don’t ask us to wear lingerie or freaky costumes every night like they do on television. We can do it once in a while, but on normal days be ready to see us in our promotional t-shirts and stockings on our head. I mean, we have to protect our hair so that we look good the following day.

Unlike porn stars we have a job to do, we can’t lie in bed all day and do those gymnastics.

We are real women, not porn stars!

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