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Why team mafisi wana "kula kwa macho" this Rio Olympics season

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The English Premier League kicked off last weekend. For the first time since I started supporting my favorite team in English football in 2004 when the legendary captain Steven Gerrard scored a historic goal for Liverpool against Olympiacos in the UEFA Champions League, I missed the opening fixtures of the campaign.

To other Kop die-hards that could have been next to sacrilege, but to me I will say that I missed it with a valid and concrete reason.

My reason is highly supported by the popular Bongo song by AY and Diamond Platinumz about "Kula kwa macho". Indeed, I was feasting my eyes on the television screen the whole weekend following the live and even recorded coverage of the Rio Olympics.

What more could an idle 'fisi' do when the likes of Lauren Hernandez and Gabby Douglas were winning medals in women’s' gymnastics? I know nothing about that sport, but I was drawn to the beauty of the participants.

One of the ladies who really got me glued was United States of America's Simon Biles. She had everything that our Kenyan socialites try so hard to fake. So, what could make me switch to a soccer channel to watch bald-headed men play for Manchester United and boys with hairy legs lose at Emirates Stadium to the adolescents of Liverpool?

My current prayer is that FIFA and the Olympic Organization Committee (IOC) should have a cup of tea somewhere so that they can have some serious discussion on merging the two competitions. We do not have to wait for four years to watch gymnastics and pool diving. We can just have a major tournament after every two years, because it is a waste of time and resources organizing the FIFA World Cup when the Olympics has soccer in its schedule.

So, with less than a week to the end of the super-hot Olympics in Rio, I am thinking of making a recording of the games so that when I am bored and need some awakening of my sporty soul, I simply go to the clip file with the women’s' football, handball, swimming and gymnastics to 'kula kwa macho' as the whole world is glued to the hairy legs and balding heads knocking around some spherical leather object as they fight for three mere points.

Let me switch on the telly, turn to the Olympic channel and line up 'Kula kwa macho' and 'Leo niko kwa keja' by Nonini as I drool on these natural beauties. And I am wondering why they have not turned to being socialites in their countries.

If they happen to turn to baring their flesh for the world to see after bleaching their skins and taking hip boosting pills, I will go to my father and ask him to give me my portion of our sugar cane plantation and off to USA, Jamaica, Serbia or anywhere else they might be, I will go.

I hope that no one has thought of me as a pervert. I am just mourning the fast approaching end of the Rio 2016 Olympics.

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