From polls landslide to political storm, Baba Yao seeks to drain the dregs of kumikumi

NAIROBI: The countdown has begun: the tick-tock of the presidential clock ticking away for the next four days until all illicit liquor dens are dismantled, the dregs drained and villages cleansed of the men enslaved to the drink.

I hear they shall all be herded off to the rehab.

And for a good measure, Prezzo UK is keeping his phone open 24 hours a day, reportedly to receive updates real-time.

But since I don’t have his number, I will wait for the update from him come Monday, during which time, he has promised the nation, the drink problem that has plagued the land for several generations, shall be no more.

It is this kind of resolve that’s going to dramatically change our society; by illustrating his political will, age-long challenges shall be overcome overnight.

But the man of the moment is Baba Yao, the spanking new Member of Parliament for Kabete, also known as Clifford or Ferdinand Waititu.

I don’t remember hearing his maiden speech in Parliament, but then Baba Yao is not a man to waste time on idle talk – he appreciates the maxim that action speaks louder than words – which is what he did this past weekend.

Baba Yao swung into action, perhaps stepping out in those pointed shoes of his and kicked doors open as his cronies banged on more doors with their hammers and tongs and drove inebriated men, or those who still had the strength to scram to safety, away from the beer dens.

But Baba Yao was not done: draining the drums where the illicit drink was brewing was only part of the mission. He then enlisted the support of county politicians to go see the Prezzo UK, who has responded by declaring four days of action, starting today, to rout the drink menace out of Central Province.

This is what it means to be Baba Yao, providing leadership where others dither, to be the father figure where men, if some Kiambu women were to be believed, have failed to rise to the occasion, in a manner of speaking, and do all that appertains to being men.

The womenfolk in that province have even taken to the streets and expressly communicated the desires of their hearts: they wanted babies to rock in their arms, but the men in question seemed less inclined to commence the process of producing children; instead, they had turned into cry-babies who wanted to be rocked and fed when they returned home.

It’s a little embarrassing when a woman walks down the street to confess she is needy in such deep ways.

 

But even that did not move the men in Central Province to change their ways.

The menfolk in question were reportedly improvident, which could explain the fury espoused by their women for losing on every front: neither were they provided with food on the table, nor had breakfast in bed.

I am not sure if any connection has been established between these improvident men, whom the retired Prezzo, Mzee Emilio of Mweiga must have had in mind when he invented the term bure kabisa (very useless), and the growing numbers of men who have lost their manhood at their hands of their women in fits of fury.

They even have a term for the assault: Nyerified, named for the Nyeri County that is championing dismembering as a women empowerment programme.

Unsurprisingly, an iron gird developed by jua kali artisans to be worn around the loins has become all the rage, especially among the Nyeri men who insist they will only return home when properly sheathed.

Since none of those apprehended last weekend were in a position to speak – most just trembled and fell to the ground at the sight of Baba Yao & Company – it is a safe bet that the men have a perfect explanation for drinking their lives away.

And Prezzo UK must have an equally compelling reason to believe his four-day campaign will succeed where decades of efforts have come a cropper. But then, with Baba Yao taking the driver’s seat, anything is possible.