Pastor loses money in quest for ‘higher powers’

One thing that Pastor John craved for was fame and limelight. He was a simple village preacher hardly known beyond the confines of his sleepy village. When a close friend of his joined politics during last year’s General Election, he garnered an enviable position, becoming popular overnight as he hogged the limelight with his party honchos.

Pastor John approached his politician friend and discreetly sought to know the source of his sudden fame. The friend at first was guarded but seeing the man of cloth as trustworthy, he confided in him. Pastor John swore he would guard the secret and the politician gave him the telephone number and address of a certain establishment in the town’s backstreets.

He called the number a day later and was directed to a meeting place. The man who met him was smartly dressed and looked like he was in his 40s.

He led the pastor to a room in what looked like a derelict building. The room had no furniture except a thick rug covering the floor. The pastor was asked to take off his shoes and belt and squat on the floor.

Doctor-know-it-all

At first, he believed he was in the wrong place. But the cunning man who claimed to be an astrologer, palmist, diviner and a ‘doctor-know-it-all’ soon put him at ease. After listening to his request, the ‘doctor’ smiled knowingly, saying his problem could be solved overnight.

All the pastor needed to do was to cough up a ‘paltry’ Sh100,000 for an empowerment ceremony. He would be given a specially treated ring and a white handkerchief. He was to wear the ring and wave it during his preaching as he exorcised demons.

Waving the handkerchief would ensure miraculous healing took place at his crusades.

There was more. An incision was to be made on his tongue and a special concoction placed therein. This would empower him to speak authoritatively and enable him to persuasively talk people into giving him their money.

Eager for such powers, the pastor raided his church kitty for the specified money. The ‘doctor’s’ eyes nearly popped out when the pastor placed the cash at his feet.

He immediately went into a ritualistic dance, transferring occult powers to the pastor. The process hit a snag when the cut to the pastor’s tongue was made deeper than intended, resulting in heavy bleeding.

Bleeding tongue

The panicky ‘doctor’ could not remedy the situation. He took the money and vanished through a backdoor, leaving the hapless pastor behind. The man of God was kicked out by two mean looking thugs and checked in a hospital with a swollen, bleeding tongue.