Letting go when love no longer holds

Esther Kathini

NAIROBI, KENYA: Esther Kathini says she was young and naive when she met the man who would later be her husband.

“I remember being very excited that I had met the man of my dreams. I couldn’t wait to get married and begin life with him,” she says.

It was not long before she was joined in matrimony approved by her folks, sanctioned by the Church and registered by the Government. But just before she had her first baby at the age of 23, what she thought was a match made in heaven began falling apart.

HEAVY DRINKING

“I knew that he drank, but it was never too much,” she says. “From nowhere, his drinking became heavy. Every time he took one too many, either he abused me and called me names or cheated with girls he met wherever he was.”

Kathini says she watched as her husband, the man she deeply loved, slowly moved away from his charming and loving ways to the cesspit of abuse and cruelty.

“I was shocked and hurting inside. But somehow I stayed put in the hope that it was a passing cloud. For more than 15 years, I hoped he would change for the better but it never happened,” she says.

FOR CHILDREN'S SAKE

It reached a point where Kathini stayed for the sake of their three children. “I clung on because I didn’t want my children to experience any kind of suffering. I was no longer in love with him but I didn’t want them to face the heartache of imagining that their mother and father couldn’t see eye to eye.”

In the end, Kathini realised that staying on did more harm than good. She noticed that the children were disturbed by the state of affairs: that their father treated their mother badly; that neither seemed interested in the other and the house was either solemn or chaotic when both were around.

MOVING ON

Just last year, despite the fact that the couple had invested a lot in life and businesses, she decided to let go and chose to live by herself and watch over her children.

“I am not alone. Many women stay because of children long after the love has fizzled out. It doesn’t help. I decided to seek divorce and focus my energies on raising my children,” she says. “It never is an easy decision but I think it is the best option.”

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