By Shirley Genga

There is a template for many separations and divorces: The wife is kicked out of her marital home and replaced by a new woman. She is left to scrimp and scrounge for her children while her ex-husband and his new wife enjoy the fruits of her labour.

It is the fear of this end that makes many women stash away cash and buy property in secret while still married.

Where women co-registered their property with their husbands, today, many are sceptical and keep something aside for a rainy day.

Chamas, women’s merry-go-round investment groups, have continued to thrive because they enable women to buy land and property as well as save money independently from their husbands.

Banks are expanding the products targeted at women with reported success. Women today have money, but it is not necessarily used within the set family budget.

Many men see it as a selfish endeavour by women, feeling that wives drain their men through family expenditure, all the while salting away money for their rescue should the marriage boat sink.

The men are then left broke while the women enjoy their secret savings.

But women claim that their secret accounts and investments are justifiable.

Judy, 37, an insurance broker, believes that a woman’s money is her own, while men are supposed to provide for their families.

Men, she says, have made it necessary for women to look out for their interests because of infidelity, which introduces a third party into the family finances.

"My mother trusted my father so much that she had no secret. When she bought property she not only informed my dad about it but also registered it in his name. Meanwhile, he was making secret investments in commercial buildings that my mother knew nothing about. Eventually, my father married a younger wife, kicked us out of the house and ensured that my mother could not claim any of the property," laments Judy.

She says that she learnt early on in life that no matter how good a man seems today, he may change in future, and it is important to save for an emergency.

She explains: "I’m married now and I take care of the house shopping while my husband takes care of school fees, family investments, family outings and the bigger shopping budgets, such as furnishing the house. Whatever is left of my salary is mine, and he need not know how I use it."

Gloria, 32, a businesswoman also shares Judy’s sentiments. She claims that the only of her businesses that her husband knows about is a furnishings and fittings shop.

The other investments, she runs in partnership with her friends.

"It’s nothing personal against men — men have proven how selfish they can be. I do not want my children to suffer should my husband decide to get himself a new woman. And I don’t want to be stuck when he dies and I cannot benefit from his secret property, so I keep mine as well," she says.

She and her clique of girlfriends own an apartment block in Umoja, Nairobi.

They have also bought an acre of land they intend to subdivide and build their own town houses on.

"I need to be independent and I know that he owns property that I do not know about, so I guess it’s a fair game that we are playing. Women need to know that the times of our mothers, when men would still take care of you and your children even if they had a gacungwa, are long gone," says Gloria

Carolyne Kaminde, an advocate of the High Court, says that in most of the cases she has encountered, men will buy property and not include their wives’ names, while women for a long time would buy co-registered property.

But today, women are opting to buy their own property and keep it secret from their husbands because of mistrust in marriage.

So there’s a lot of property belonging to both spouses that cannot be traced once they are dead.

Says Carolyne: "I have dealt with cases in which family members who were dependant on the deceased woman cannot benefit from the wealth she accrued because they do not have enough information to find it. So the property goes to waste or is sold off."

If, for example, you take a mortgage to buy a secret home and die before clearing the payments, then the property will be sold.

"Women also need to realise that if their children are their beneficiaries, and not yet adults by the time the mother dies, the property reverts to the husband according to the Succession Act. He becomes the administrator, and this could bring resentment between her husband and the kids," she warns.

While men do not mind carrying most of the financial burdens of the home they will not tolerate a woman who secretly buys property without informing them.

Joy, 35, a marketing executive, had been married 10 years when her husband found out about her secret property and showed her the door.

She says: "I owned a few things before I got married but my aunty advised me to keep it a secret. So I continued to accumulate my wealth with the help of ‘chamas’. I also invested heavily in shares. I noticed that though my husband has three houses, they are all in his name."

Joy’s husband is a responsible provider and does not insist on her spending her money.

So she mortgaged an apartment secretly.

However, in the second year of payment, her husband found out through a friend’s husband.

disappointed husband

"He was so mad he kicked me out of the house for a while. He says I used him but I was just being cautious. We are now back together, but I can tell he only did it for the children. The trust is gone, and he’s so touchy about spending. He does not give me money any more as he prefers to do the shopping himself," says Joy.

Pam and Charles Kimwel who have been married for 17 years believe that for any marriage to survive and be a happy one, for both parties must deal jointly with finances.

"Couples must realise that if you want to achieve anything together then you must work together. My husband and I have always had joint accounts. For a while I was a housewife and my husband got a mortgage for a house, which he registered in my name. We work as a team. When we first got married we both had our own accounts, but we decided that there no longer was ‘my money’. All money was our money. We believe in full disclosure in everything, including finances," states Pam.

Charles agrees, saying that finances are one of the top reasons couples fight.

Says he:"It’s about trust, not selfishness. Whenever she spends more than Sh30,000, I have a right to know, and the same applies when I spend."

They never invest in anything that both of them have not agreed on.

Charles explains: "We both have the power of veto. Marriage today is being wrecked by finances — who’s earning or spending more, who’s from a richer family, and so on. Openness will insulate your marriage."

According to Carolyne, keeping property ownership secret creates more problems than it solves.

"Women are now allowed by law to own their own property under the Married Women’s Property Act, section 17. The best arrangement is for the spouses to allow each other to own separate property. Although joint ownership has it’s benefits, separate ownership has it’s place too. If the husband gets into debt, only his property will be mortgaged and not the wife’s," finishes Carolyne.