By Joseph Hellon

Men are always result based. Processes tend to be details they prefer to skip, at least where possible. Relationships have, since time immemorial, been a challenge to most men. Women tend to occupy a big portion of men’s thinking and reasoning, but challenges occur when a man simply doesn’t understand how a woman thinks.

Generally speaking, there are two types of relationships  instrumental and consummatory. Instrumental relationships are a means towards an end. Work mates fall under this category.

Women get frustrated when a man is rushes the relationship towards his desired end. {PHOTO/MARTIN MUKANGU/STANDARD}

Consummatory type

Consummatory relationships are an end in themselves. Marriage relationships fall under this category.

A mix up in the way these relationships are defined poses the greatest problem most men encounter.

When dealing with a woman, most men go straight to the consummatory type. They want to own the woman as soon as they meet her.

But every relationship must start out as instrumental in the build up towards the consummatory.

The reason why women won’t immediately say "Yes!" whenever a man proposes is because they desire to naturally grow into a relationship, with emphasis laid on the process and not the end result.

Out of my counseling experience, I have observed that most women run away as soon as a man mentions marriage. They give reasons like "I need to think about it; you are moving too fast" to support their flight. The best way a man should handle this problem is to get back to being process-oriented and the marriage issue will become a very natural end result.

To avoid unnecessary heart breaks, men should learn the women’s way of thinking. Women think ‘process’. Men think ‘end result’. As long as a woman notices that the man she desires to relate with is concerned about the process more than the end, her security is assured. She’ll faithfully participate in the friendship as an instrumental one for a while before feeling secure enough to begin thinking about the end.

People speak from their hearts and as long as a woman’s words are focused on weddings, marriage and the like, her heart is actually warming up towards a more focused relationship.

Men think in a vertical way. Women think in a lateral way. A woman’s thought process is more creative and therefore more relational and self preserving. Vertical thinking has ‘things’ as its basis. This kind of thinking occurs in a straight line and will eliminate any seemingly unnecessary details along the way.

It enjoys seeing the result through the shortest route possible. It frustrates the lateral thinker who enjoys the spider web, thinking backwards and forwards at the same time. Women tend to take a little longer in decision making. With this kind of understanding, men and women can develop lasting and fulfilling relationships with few difficulties.