Men and women mourn differently and the, differences between men and women play out, writes ANTHONY KAGIRI
Love is more than an emotion; it is about support and meeting each otherâs needs.
When life gets tough, love is called upon to rise up and make life bearable for those we love. Hard times offer an opportunity for us to be useful and put into practice what we feel for each other. It is time to offer encouragement and solutions.
Nevertheless, it is during such times that differences between men and women play out very clearly as the two genders need different forms of support.
This reality hit me last week when I lost a close member of my family. One evening after a long day of running up and down, my wife came to me with a worried look.
Her concern was that I seemed to have locked my emotions and though she was trying so hard to comfort me, she couldnât get through to me. On the other hand I felt supported throughout that difficult time.
You see, when women are in sorrow, they look for someone to hold them, wipe their tears, assure them it is going to be okay and show them they are for them. Women are thirsty for emotional support and look for the assurance that their man is there for them to help them overcome the difficult moments.
If it is the loss of a loved one, women desire someone who can sit down with them and listen to endless talk about the person who has passed on. A woman wants to talk about the departed. She wants someone to listen and offer the shoulder to cry on, as she is mourning the present and the past. She is mourning at what she has lost.
Men on the other hand are different; they desire someone to help sort things out and who can offer the much needed support in terms of logistics and solutions.
If your man is dealing with a sick relative in hospital, helping him get the medical expert will be more important than the hug. Helping him get funds to settle the escalating hospital bill would also be good help. Visiting his sick relative in hospital or at home, offering to drive a relative home or handling other logistics will mean a lot to him during the crisis.
At the loss of a loved one, a man is in search of answers. His speech is, therefore limited to unanswered questions or on what to do next.