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My wife's never in the mood for sex

Updated Sat, November 6th 2010 at 00:00 GMT +3

I am a 32-year-old man and I have been married for the last nine years. My wife is the perfect woman that any man would want. She looks good, cooks well and knows how to take care of the home. However, the problem is in the bedroom. She is just never in the mood for sex. I feel this is a big threat to our marriage. I have talked to her several times in vain. One day, I suggested to her to allow me to marry another wife but she would not hear of it. I am still a young man and I feel that this is too much for me. What do I do?

Your take:

There is no cause for concern since this declining female libido can actually be scientifically explained. To keep her interested, you should find ways to make sex enjoyable.

{Dika Abdi}

Considering that your wife performs all her other household duties to your satisfaction which probably exhausts her, it would not be wise for you to spend too much time looking for another wife just because your current wife has denied you sex.

Train her to understand your sexual expectations. Remember a bird in hand is worth two in the bush.

{Moses Munyao}

Sex is not about the ‘thing’ rather it is an activity of the brain. Try and prepare her well to get her mind tuned to sex and the rest will follow. If this fails, visit a sexologist together.

{Kuria Buchifi}

Marriage and sex go hand in hand, so issues such as depression, anxiety, past experience or psychological trauma are some of the causes. Encourage her to open up to you on why she is never in the mood.

{Kamau Beka}

She may be hiding something from you. Try to talk to her once more and tell her to set her priorities right in marriage. If this fails again, find yourself another wife who is all rounded.


Sex is the major bond in any marriage. It could be that you don’t satisfy her in a way she desires. Warn her that if this continues you may be tempted to go outside, which will be a danger to your marriage.

{Mutai K Nicholas}

Maybe you are the one who puts her off — assess yourself. It could also be a medical condition, visit a doctor to have it sorted. Or maybe she could be getting the sex from somewhere else.

{Tasma Charles}

You may be the problem. Once a woman starts feeling not loved and appreciated and rather feels like a sex tool she begins to let go slowly. Love is all about adding ingredients to make it sweet. So if you don’t treat her right and make her not feel special, somebody else will or could be doing that.

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