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From grave diggers to pickpockets, here are 10 jobs that will survive technology

County_Nairobi
 Butchers have their jobs secured despite the technology growth    Photo:Courtesy

Si siri. Technology has rendered many people jobless. The entry of ATMs saw a huge number of tellers kicked out of banking halls. Kenyans no longer go to Extelcoms on Haile Selassie Avenue to book international calls. In nearly every sector, be it manufacturing, consultancy, or even in entertainment, technology has made life easier, besides rendering many redundant.

But there are jobs that technology just can’t take away from us here in Kenya. Sample these 10:

1. Bride price negotiators

Kenyans take bride price negotiations and payment seriously. It’s usually an occasion when a worried mother sighs with relief because her daughter, who performed dismally in high school, and barely managed to scrap through parallel degree programme, is finally getting off her hands without getting paged.

For that reason, the talkative uncle, who makes everybody laugh, will be the chief negotiator and as long as girls get married, his job is secure, since you can’t negotiate dowry on a WhatsApp group!

2. Grave diggers

There was a study carried out 10 years ago that revealed that a ‘certain community’ from Western Kenya blew up Sh1.7 billion in funerals. The figure, in this day, is probably much higher, seeing that funeral are no longer occasions to moan, but events to celebrate the life of the deceased with copious consumption of food and alcohol, as well as spending of hundreds of thousands of shillings to ensure a ‘perfect send-off.’ One person who makes the whole process possible is the grave digger. Funny how there are no standard fees for these ‘specialists.’

3. Plumbers

Apart from fixing ‘wet’ headaches, these men also unblock and fix the ‘pipes’ of bored Karen housewives. No matter the advancement in technology, there is no substitute for blocked sinks and choo! He (they are mostly men) will come personally.

4. Pickpockets

Technology will never render the pesky, much-dreaded pickpocket redundant as he or she has to report to work and do the pinching of what has been left by the Kenya Revenue Authority (yet they have never paid taxes since independence)!

5. Flesh trade

Hookers have worked during the times of Noah’s floods, the bubonic plague and two world wars. Throughout history, they have serviced and survived political upheavals, earthquakes, fall of the Iron Curtain, and to date, they still brave the chilly weather on Koinange Street. Not surprisingly, they will outlive the kanjo askaris who like arresting them.

6. Midwives

Some women give birth in community clinics, where the midwife slaps them when they scream too loudly, asking harshly if she was there when the baby was being made. Others give birth in hospitals, where they are well taken care of and later slapped with huge bills, you would think they bought the baby. Even with underwater births, midwives are here to stay.

7. Butchers

These men possess unparalleled skill in preparing hooves, kichwa ya mbuzi or ngombe, ulimi, or mtura. No technological advancement can put the perfect amount of salt and pilipili in the thufu or raise a five-litre jerrycan of supu in the air, bring it down in a one swoosh, the broth makes the typical thup! sound in your cup. Delicious.

8. Lodging receptionists

While technology has seen the death of office secretaries, the lodging ones called ‘receptionists’ have to be there to show clients to their rooms, collect cash, write receipts, supply tissue papers, soaps and towels. It’s a hard job, especially if the woman receptionist hasn’t been serviced since the 2010 World Cup! yet, she sees women leave the rooms glowing, either because of a good lay, or quick bucks.

9. Kindergarten teachers

These are the angelic souls that take all the crap, figuratively and literally, from your spoiled brats. They are the foundation on which your child may hate mathematics, or start truancy. Even with Jubilee laptops, the kindergarten teacher has no substitute!

10 Military parade commanders

Wars nowadays are fought with drones. Old generals press buttons in America and a village somewhere in Afghanistan is decimated by a bomb. But the military still has something about showing off and the military parade commander has to be there in person. Period!

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