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I've been dating my colleague but he still avoids being alone with me

Lady Speak

Dear Coleen

I started dating a guy from work about six weeks ago. It’s obvious we really fancy each other and we enjoy each other’s company.

We share the same sense of humour, like the same movies and music and so on.

The thing is, although we’ve been for dinner a couple of times and to the cinema, usually we end up going out in a big group of people.

We’ve never been to each other’s houses and whenever I’ve suggested it he says he’d rather go out with people from work or other groups of friends.

Why do you think he is so reluctant for the two of us to spend time alone together?

I’m beginning to wonder if he’s hiding something.

Should I confront him about it?

Coleen says

His house is either a tip, he’s living with another woman or he’s nervous about taking your relationship to the next level.

I think that because he’s reluctant to go to your place, too, the latter explanation is the most likely one.

Maybe he associates going to each other’s houses with a more serious, committed relationship – and you really would be his girlfriend then.

But the only way to find out is to ask him.

Invite him to meet you for a drink one night (on his own) and say to him: “Are we in a relationship or do you want more of a casual thing?”

Hopefully, he’ll be honest with you if you’re direct.

Dozens of things could be at the root of it – maybe he hasn’t slept with anyone in a while, maybe he was hurt in his last relationship or maybe he’s just a bit lazy.

The only way to find out is to ask him.

 

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