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How to get over that long-term girlfriend

My Man

Relationships normally have four outcomes. The first are those short-lived ones that scarcely get past lust, which is the first impulse that drives people into each other. This includes one-night stands and anything that hardly lasts a month. You break up and no regrets on either party. You discover soon enough that you are so incompatible, no reason for pretence.

The second outcome is a fairly new invention of individuals who date purely for sex, no-strings-attached and are friends-with-benefits. The third outcome involves those relationships that lasts a few months, usually less than six before individuals part ways, usually under the worst of terms.

The last outcome is for any relationship that lasts more than six months up to ten years. Potentially, they often result in marriage. And often they do come to an end. Some of the longest relationships happen in campus and colleges when two idealists meet and date for three to four years. After graduation, something happens and one year later you see on Facebook, the lady in the most steadfast relationship being proposed to another guy, not the man you have known all along.

Relationships invariably come to an end. Some through divorce, some through death. Some die a natural death, after running their course. But what happens if the relationship had gone on for years and now you have to breakup. How do you live with yourself? How do you start over again?

Long-term relationships always make people too complacent and too contented with life. With time, we begin to take for granted our partners. If good enough, they become irreplaceable. We can't imagine a world without them. Then one day, you have to part ways. Afterwards, no woman or man truly adjusts to be his or herself again following a breakup from a long-term relationship.

The first thing that happens is the fear of dating. You scarcely want to venture out again. You would want to replace your lover, and someone you have lived with that long is normally irreplaceable. They become a yardstick of measuring future partners. Which is an exercise in futility.

The second thing you learn soon afterwards is that your art of seduction has expired. You barely know how to ask a woman out or how to be asked out. You had a routine that you stuck to. Being thrown into the cold means you have to start interrogating different personalities, and you realise, you would rather have stuck with the familiar. There are few individuals who you are really compatible with each other in terms of temperament.

The third thing that can happen is that since you are used to being in a relationship, you cannot contemplate staying alone even for a second. Some long-term relationships have spells of cohabitation, where individuals play man and wife. After a breakup, you might need the man to pay the bills, and a man might need a woman to carry on as a wife. But this only aggravates the problem as it rarely works. Rarely are replacements as good as the previous partner.

What I urge guys, is to always take some time off, even up to six months, to detox from the memories and the times you shared. You have to be cautious not to let the previous relationships determine your future traction.

@nyanchwani

[email protected]

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