Pickpockets now shun weak shilling,only interested in strong dollar and pound

Foreigners beware! Woe unto you if you are, err, well, white and if you are black, speak with a foreign ascent at your own risk! Following the weakening of the Kenya shilling against foreign currencies, local pickpockets now avoid the local currency and instead only target pockets most likely to be carrying foreign currency, especially the US dollar and British pound, a little bird within pickpockets circles has revealed.

One of the reasons pickpockets are giving the Kenya shilling a wide berth is because the risks far outweigh the potential gains. “It’s useless and even a bigger risk to dip your hands in a stranger’s pockets when chances are high you will get Kenyan currency.

My friend, it’s not worth it. I mean, it does not make business sense at all,” complained a veteran pickpocket who spoke on condition of anonymity.

Another reason the pickpockets have left their ‘old wife’ for the ‘neighbour’s hot thing’ is the fact that concentrating on the US dollar or British pound saves them the trouble of ending up with fake money. “Kenyans are a peculiar lot; they want easy money and no one wants to work hard for it.

This has put us in problems in the past...” revealed another pickpocket, chiding Kenyans for their ‘get-rich-quick mentality’, which has seen him go home with useless fake money time and time again after a hard day’s work!”

“I wish everyone would just style up and earn their money the hard and honest way!” So fed up with the weak Kenyan shilling are the cons that in some reported instances, they have reigned kicks and blows on their victims for unknowingly carrying fake money, accusing them of wasting their time.

PICKPOCKETS SUFFER

To avert a collapse of the pickpocketing sector, which would be disastrous to the local economy, the Pickpockets Regulatory Authority (PRA) has gazetted new rules and regulations for their members.

“We used to discourage our members from picking local currency... but now we have turned it into a law because when pickpockets suffer, the regulatory authority also hurts,” announced a circular to members of PRA.

“Members must avoid giving this honourable profession a bad name. Any of our members found to be bending so low as to be targeting the local currency in their operations will be struck off our member’s list. Such members will consequently not receive accreditation, which is required in order to pick pockets at big events.”

The circular also advised members that in case they picked pockets with local currency by mistake, they were to return the useless money immediately.

“Any Kenyan who has had their pockets picked and their local currency taken should report to us... we will investigate and take the licence away from the pickpockets involved,” further read the circular. “But for those who lose their US dollars, we say a big thank you for doing business with us.”

The question though, that has been lingering in the minds of the public has been how the pickpockets are able to determine whether a pocket, wallet or handbag is loaded with foreign or local currency. One pickpocket explained that creating a distinction depends on the would-be victim’s race, accent and speed he/she is walking.

“If someone is walking too fast, they are most likely to be carrying Kenya shillings because they are afraid it’s value is falling too fast. They are probably rushing to buy something before the prices increases to offset the reduced value,” explained the pickpocket. “If on the other hand they are walking at a leisurely pace, they are likely to be foreigners with foreign currency on them!”