The flying bus is a scandal that never was, for it's neither fiction nor computer glitch

NAIROBI: I think it’s time we stopped politicising everything, particularly grave matters like transportation within the Jomo Kenyatta International Airport. We know the airport is a security installation and the idea that some want the flying buses operating there replaced with matatus to cut costs does not augur well for our projected vision of securing licences to operate direct flights to the United States and other lucrative destinations.

In any case, that’s the sort of narrative that scares away investors; we must be seen to up our game to attract those international moneymen.

The idea that monthly payment of Sh11 million for the five buses was a rip off is grossly exaggerated; I know Prezzo UK means well when he blew the whistle on the alleged scandal, but we should put everything into a proper perspective.

We know some folks are so greedy billions have been paid for pure mahewa (air), as happened in Goldenberg and Anglo Leasing scams. And some folks are so without a conscience, they would substitute chlorine with chalk.

But that’s not the sort of scandal involving the airport shuttle service. The buses, for one, are there for all to see; and I can attest to their comfort, having taken rides at the airport a couple of times.

For the avoidance of doubt, those who think buses can’t fly should read the children’s novel, Njamba Nene and The Flying Bus by my friend, Ngugi wa Thiong’o, which has been in circulation for nearly 30 years.

I think it presaged the buses operating out of Jomo Kenyatta International Airport, and Ngugi’s visions of the flying buses must have inspired our engineers.

But since some Kenyans are likely to be exhausted from reading a children’s novel, let me narrate my own experiences on the airport shuttle.

I think it was bright yellow in colour and it had this magical feel when its floor sunk a few feet towards the ground to allow passengers to stack up their luggage before swiftly rising towards the sky and stabilising at a comfortable keel and zooming off.

And unlike matatu rides that jerk and swing and screech, this was one smooth ride, I must have thought, while drunken with sleep, that the bus had lifted off the ground.

And if that was simple hydraulics, as some are now alleging, then I am curious to know why buses on our roads don’t employ such mechanics.

Mind you, passengers were not even required to be seated and strapped; all they needed was to hoist their hands on hand rails to glide through effortlessly.

And unlike matatus where conductors slam on the buses to announce they were full, or clanging the door shut, the airport shuttle only made a hissing sound before the door squeezed shut, and the driver relied solely on wide side mirrors to navigate through the airport.

Even more surprisingly, the driver seemed to know the right stage for all the passengers, even without our prompting.

I don’t think those were ordinary buses, and if they cost a few millions to lease each month, it is a safe bet those are the market rates. Quality service must come at a price. But if we want to cut corners, we should lease matatus.

So rather than reject the idea that those buses are too expensive for nothing, I actually think the service should be extended to provide inter-city shuttles, the sort that Governor Kidero has been talking about these past two years without conclusion.

To quote Kiraitu Murungi’s memorable quip about some other scandal, this is the scandal that never was.

But I could be mistaken. Since the row isn’t really about the functionality of the buses, but what it costs to lease one, it could be a simple computer glitch where one added a few zeroes at the end.

And Prezzo UK should be last to complain; his Budget reading once contained computer errors, so it is all possible that we received an erroneous bill for the shuttle service, and which can be rectified without too much ado.