My violent husband hates my family

My violent husband hates my family

I am pregnant and my parents help me because he drinks a lot and doesn't work - what do I do?

Dear Coleen

My husband hates my family. He has a history of hitting me so, understandably, my loved ones aren’t fond of him either but they deal with him for my sake.

He is also an alcoholic with mental illness, so he sees life in a different way to the rest of us. I’m currently pregnant but I’m also the breadwinner for my family.

My parents help me a lot because my husband doesn’t work and he feels I defend them simply because I need their support.

All of this is putting a strain on my marriage because I love everyone but he turns everything into a hate-fest. What do I do?

Coleen says

Your husband has major problems and, as harsh as this sounds, one of biggest ones is you – because you put up with his behavior. He’s still drinking (I hope he’s not still violent), yet he’s never come close to losing you.

Perhaps there’s part of you that thinks you can save him, but you can’t; he has to save himself.

It must be very frustrating for your family but luckily they haven’t given up on you and you still have them to lean on. Which I’m very glad about, because you clearly need a lot of support.

What worries me is that caring for a new baby can be very stressful and puts a strain on even the strongest of relationships – what effect will it have on yours? And do you really want to bring your child into a situation where his or her parents’ marriage is defined by alcoholism and abuse?

Your husband hating your parents is a secondary issue here. I’m sure he hates them because they tell you the truth and one day you might realise they’re right and leave him.

If you do find the strength to walk away, I’m sure your parents will be there for you every step of the way.