I work with my ex and it's becoming a hell with no end in sight

Dear Coleen

I made the mistake of dating a co-worker at the place where I work part-time while I’m at university. He is eight years older than I am and I was instantly attracted to him, and chased after him. We had a talk and he told me he just wanted to be friends, but one thing led to another and it wasn’t long before we became official.

I met his family, met his child and pretty much everyone knew me as his girlfriend. But it wasn’t long before I realised that he was hiding things from me. I snooped around and found messages to multiple women. He would call them “beautiful” and ask them to come over to his place. When I questioned him, he would say they were just friends and somehow turned the problem on me. He was my first love, the guy I lost my virginity to, so I always gave him another chance. But he couldn’t stop himself. The last straw was when I found out he was hiding his relationship with another co-worker (who knew about us) and that was it for me.

I focused more on uni and when I did go to work, his other girlfriend would be too ashamed to face me and I just ignored him. I feel nothing for him now. I don’t know if I’m indifferent to him or I’m just suppressing my emotions. How do you deal with this kind of situation? And, no, I can’t leave the job until I finish uni.

Coleen says

Well, I think you are actually handling it pretty well. You’re not paying him any attention and getting on with the job you need while you’re studying at university. Maybe you are hiding your emotions, but what else can you do?

You need to keep your job.

You certainly shouldn’t leave it because of him.

You made the right decision to end things with him – he’s clearly a total player. He’ll probably find it incredibly annoying that you’re going into work and being cool. He might even find it attractive, but don’t fall for it.

As for him being your first love, most people don’t stay with the person they lost their virginity with and you shouldn’t regret that it happened with him. I’m sure it was lovely for you at the time. Remember the nice bits about the relationship when you were first together and move on.

And there’s no point in having a go at your colleague – she’s fallen for his charms just like you did and I’m sure she’ll soon find out what he’s really like.