Confessions: I'm worried my fiance will get the wrong idea if I go for STI test before our wedding

The problem I have is we got together young – I was 17 – and I’d had sexual partners before him, but never got checked for infections

Dear Coleen

I have been with my partner for eight years and we are due to be married within the next 12 months.

The problem I have is we got together young – I was 17 – and I’d had sexual partners before, but never got checked for STIs.

I always practised safe sex, so I never got checked because I didn’t think I had any reason for concern.

Now I do, because I have this fear that somewhere there may be an issue.

I don’t want to find out that something in my past may have an effect on us starting a family together.

But how do I tell my other half that I’m going for the ‘once over’ without him jumping to the conclusion I’ve been up to no good?

I love him so much and this makes me feel like a bad person, but I have this feeling something may be wrong and I just haven’t noticed.

Am I being silly?

Coleen says

It sounds like you were very sensible when it came to protecting yourself, but just get checked out for your own peace of mind.

It doesn’t make you a bad person, just because you had a life before him. And I’m sure he knows he wasn’t your first.

Also, why do you have to tell him? If you go to a clinic, it’ll be treated in total confidence. The only reason to tell him anything would be if you discovered you did pick up an infection, which is unlikely given what you’ve told me.

If you really feel you have to tell him something, tell him you’re going for a well woman check up.

I think the issue here is that you’re getting a bit stressed, the closer you’re getting to your wedding day.

You’re so desperate to spend your life with him and for everything to be perfect that you’re inventing things that might scupper it.

It’s just an emotion that’s got out of control and you need to rein it in