My husband's first love has turned up and I am convinced he loves her

 

My husband's first love has turned up
My husband's first love has turned up

I’ve been married for 34 years and I thought we were happy. However, my husband’s first love has now turned up and everything has gone wrong.

I noticed a change in him over the past year and he eventually broke down and said he thought he had feelings for her when he saw her again and all those teenage crush memories came flooding back.

Now he swears he no longer has these feelings and that she’s just an old friend.

She drinks in the same pubs as my husband and I, and he bumps into her a lot.

He says he cares about her “like a sister”, but recently

I received her text messages by mistake that were intended for him and was heartbroken.

He still insists it’s me he wants to be with, but then when we’re out he buys her drinks and offers to help with her family problems – she has a chaotic lifestyle.

I am so hurt and feel betrayed, but he complains that I don’t trust him and don’t believe him. Every time I get things straight in my head something else crops up and it knocks me back. I try to talk to him and explain how I feel but he gets angry and defensive, saying I’m being paranoid and insecure, and that men can have female friends.

I’m convinced he has feelings for her, though, and I feel second-best, and it’s starting to come between us. Even if he’s not cheating sexually, to me he’s cheating in the emotional sense and he should consider my feelings.

I love him dearly, but I’m at the end of the line with this situation.

Coleen says

Maybe you are feeling insecure and being paranoid, but he’s making you feel that way!

She’s an ex from a very long time ago. The bottom line is, if it’s hurting you, he shouldn’t be doing it. I think a big part of the problem is that he admitted he had feelings for his ex when he first saw her again, yet he just expects you to forget all about that.

Well, it’s not that easy.

Of course you can have friends of the opposite sex, but I don’t know many people who have ex-lovers as close friends, unless they’re single.

Once you’re in a relationship you have to respect your partner’s feelings.

Should you bump into this woman in the pub, you can be friendly and deal with it together, but insist that you don’t want him texting her or helping with her family problems – he’s not part of her family.

If he continues to dig his heels in, then he’s being naive if he doesn’t understand why that would make you paranoid. Why does he care so much about this friendship if it’s ruining your relationship? Maybe he needs to be forced to make a choice.

Athletics
Kenyan stars ready for World Cross showdown in Belgrade
By Ben Ahenda 4 hrs ago
Motorsport
Safari Rally 2024: Tanak urges Kenyan children to take up motorsports as a career
Rugby
SCHOOLS: From the classroom to the field, Kisumu Girls ready to lift national rugby trophy
Motorsport
Safari Rally 2024: Neuville clinches Kasarani stage as Hyundai makes intention known