Solve digital migration wrangles now or face dire consequences, diplomats warn

The endless disputes and wrangles pitting TV stations against the communications commission have raised concerns among top exporters of content to Kenya. Through their diplomatic missions in Kenya, panic-stricken governments of Naija and Mexico have thus ordered the two parties to work out an agreement or else face dire consequences.

The two governments have expressed fear that the wrangles, if not put in check, will deal a major blow to the countries major exports (Naija voodoo flicks and Mexican soaps operas) to Kenya. They also said this state of affairs puts the livelihood of their people at stake; something they are not going to sit by and watch.

“Forgive the pun, but we will not sit and watch idly as you risk destroying the careers of our actors and actresses. Millions and millions of pesos and nairas have been invested in our respective film and television industries.

“Kenyan authorities will have to get their act together to continue creating jobs for our people. This amounts to economic sabotage! If push comes to shove, we might be forced to punish Kenya severely. I swear, you will not like it; remember choices have consequences,” hissed top ranking diplomats of the two countries at a press conference.

“We are not impressed with the way digital migration has been handled... especially for a country renowned for the wildebeest migration!” lamented yet another diplomat. “The frequency of wrangling between the industry players and the regulator now seems higher than the total number of TV and radio frequencies in the country,” he went on.

Enjoying drama

But an analyst was quick to add that the main cause of worry for the two countries was that they suspect that Kenyans are glued and enjoying the drama going on between the broadcasters and the regulator more than the content they have exported into the country.

“The non-scripted drama going on between the two entities seems to be more entertaining at the moment than their scripted one and they are worried... they want the drama to be on TV and not behind the scenes!” said the analyst. “They realised they couldn’t compete when the news and entertainment outlets become the newsmakers and the entertainment!”

One wag was even quick to note that he is going to petition for the creation of a special awards category to be known as the Best Reality TV award at this year’s Oscars because he already has the perfect nominees. To show how serious they are, the two diplomats revealed that they have offered support to all the couch potatoes of this country to unite and speak with one voice.

Voodoo, juju themes

“We have asked all the couch potatoes of this great nation to take their eyes off their TV sets, get off their bums and do something constructive like sign a petition and start a rebel movement, demanding an end to the incessant wrangles. This drama must stop!” demanded the diplomats.

Regarding the unspecified measures they might take, the diplomats only dropped hints leading to a lot of speculation as to what they might do if Kenya continues putting their television content production industries in peril.

One source intimated that it could involve summoning the stakeholders and making them to kneel with their hands in the air while facing Limuru or Mt Longonot or wherever TV aerials are usually pointed to.

They are also rumoured to be considering adapting the ongoing drama between the regulator and the broadcasters into a TV show without paying anything to the ‘originators’. But even more punishing to Kenyans was the threat to continue flooding the country with predictable story-lines saturated with mushy love stories, voodoo and juju themes.