The agony of travelling during the festive season by public means

Kenyans have queer travelling behaviours. When travelling from, say, Nairobi to their rural homes, most of us exhibit all sorts of crazy habits.

The journey is characterised with drama and annoying incidents. It all starts at the Machakos Bus Station, aka Machakos Airport, from where most Kenyans travel to their rural homes. First, there are know-it-all touts who, for some strange reasons, imagine they know better than the travellers where their (travellers’) rural homes are.

Thus, they literally fight with a would-be passenger as they struggle to force him or her into the wrong bus, even before (s) he says where (s) he is actually going! Take for instance Tom Muema, who last year during the festive season experienced this madness and almost exchanged blows with touts.

“I had arrived at the Machakos Bus Station headed to my Ukambani home, but because the touts thought they know better where I should be ‘eating’ my Christmas from, they tried to wrestle me into a Western Kenya-bound bus.

“Had I not been strong enough, I would have found myself in Shamakhokho, in Western Kenya, seeing as that’s where the bus they wanted to force me in was headed,” says Muema.

Muema adds that boarding a bus alone, forget the experience aboard, during this festive season is such a traumatising experience.

Hear him whine on: “Whatever those touts smoke! At times, you arrive there with your family and as some are fighting to get you into a Western Kenya-bound bus, as others are shoving your wife, as they touch her inappropriately, other pack your screaming children into a contraption headed to Rift Valley, and before you are done yelling, ‘wee-weee iko nini’ yet another bunch is busy thrusting your luggage into a Mombasa-bound bus.

“Before you know it, you have lost your luggage, soiled or torn your pants or shirt in the fight, and injured yourself in the fracas. My friend, getting into a bus alone is chaotic; you settle in the bus a traumatized man.”

Pastor shouting himself hoarse

If you thought boarding the bus is a hassle, you are in for a rude shock because that experience is just a tip of the iceberg. The moment you hop on to the bus, there will be noise of all sorts.

First, there will be a man of God shouting himself hoarse, vigorously preaching, and for special effect, spewing forth biblical quotes with abandon, as if his life depends on it. Of course, just after finishing preaching, he starts going round, asking for offerings, threatening those who ignore him with hell fire.

Edwina Nyanchama, a university student, has experienced this so many times. “When travelling, the worst bit is a preacher hollering out his lungs, asking everyone to repent and forcing those on board to give him sadaka, and castigating those who don’t!

“The trouble with this type of characters is that they don’t care that you are a pagan, Atheist or Muslim; all they want is your attention, and attention they get, by use of hook and crook,” Nyanchama explains.

Herbalists selling their wares

It’s not just the preaching, Nyanchama goes on to explain. Businessmen and women selling all sorts of herbal medicine are never left behind; they, too, contribute to this discomfort.

“It always appears like there is a conspiracy of sorts to ensure passengers don’t enjoy the ride home. When it’s not a pastor competing for attention with the music system, it’s a business man or woman hawking herbal medicine that heals all kinds of ailments or dangling products like underwear in your face, nagging you to buy.

“Just when the pastor is done, a herbal medicine man or woman takes centre stage,” complains Nyanchama, adding that: “It never ends there, the moment it appears like some calm is prevailing, children start wailing. This they do after being clobbered silly by their mean parents for becoming a nuisance by throwing a tantrum.

“This is after, for instance, their request to be bought this or that food stuff they saw a seat-mate eating is turned down.”

Ruth Mutuku recalls some time back when two children made the journey to her rural home a nightmare.

“The spoilt brats kept demanding virtually everything they saw being hawked around. At some point, a hawker with a range of edibles hopped onto the bus and the boys began nagging their mother to buy them ground nuts.

“And when she insisted she had no money, they began crying rather loudly, at the chagrin of other passengers. The embarrassment prompted their mother to express her displeasure by slapping them hard, causing them to wail even more.

It’s amazing how some Kenyans, especially city dwellers travel with virtually all their belongings, from cutlery, bedding to furniture.

“During the month of December, it’s common to see some Nairobians load sofa sets, mattresses, blankets, beds and kitchenware on buses on their way to their rural homes. One would be forgiven for thinking they are moving houses,” says John Kariuki, a city businessman.

Travelling to certain parts of the country comes with a fair share of inconveniences. Take for instance what Sammy Mwangi, a Kisumu-based businessman, has gone through on several occasions.

Pooped on by seat-mate’s chicken

“Travelling to certain places using public means, one has to be ready for discomfort. I recall once being pooped on by a chicken a seat-mate had firmly held underneath his armpits on a bus to Western Kenya.

“There are those who, even without asking for your permission, place their luggage, however dirty, on your lap. On yet another occasion, a mother placed a gunia (sack) full of fresh bananas on my lap, which she didn’t know was leaking.

“She requested me to let the gunia rest on my lap, when she had already placed it there, anyway, for a while as she retrieved cash from her handbag. Before I could say ‘no’, the sack was on my lap and after protesting, she lifted it and placed it in the isle, only for me to realise the smelly sap from the gunia had soiled my trousers, leaving me to agonise for the rest of the journey,” complains Mwangi.

A certain Anne, an office administrator, says one thing she hates about travelling long distances by public means is time wastage.

“From people asking the driver to make several stops for them to relieve themselves along the way, mothers changing their babies’ soiled napkins and diapers to incidents where the bus breaks down, forcing all to alight and wait for a mechanic to be dispatched from the nearest town to fix it.

“The problem with travelling by such means is that you end up wasting a lot of time on the road,” says Anne. As you travel this festive season, be careful not to fall victim to the aforementioned troubles. Folks,  Merry Christmas.