Day I was almost clobbered for unknowingly ‘tuning’ a pal's girlfriend

There is a popular anti-HIV advert that features two supposedly good friends who brag to each other over their latest acquisition. Well...not a plot in Ruai or a new car. But a new girl!

It is only after the two friends discover that they seem to have very similar girlfriends that they discover they have been ‘played’.

While this may just have been a fantastic idea from a creative fellow in advertising, a similar scenario unfolded right in front of our eyes as we watched the titanic El Clasico between Real Madrid and Barcelona.

We had agreed with my boys Frao, Mike and Brayo that we would watch the game together. This is because we often make fat bets on the results of such big matches, and losers if not cornered, are reluctant to pay.

So to address the situation, we usually agree to meet up, put our money in a glass and spend the next 90 minutes watching mega rich men making more money, while most of us lose our peanuts.

Lascivious woman

So last Saturday was no different, we all met and settled for the game. As you would expect, when it comes to end month, Frao does not drink his alcohol ‘neat’. The situation has to be livened up by the presence of a lascivious woman. As is his custom, Frao arrived with not with one, but two beautiful women that would give Miss Uganda a run for both her money and looks.

None of us had previously met any of the girls and this made Frao prouder, claiming that he is like the lions of Tsavo. He says the lions of Tsavo do not have refrigerators, they eat fresh meat.

Increasingly desperate

When hunger strikes, they rise up and simply hunt. That is Frao for you. As we chilled, the girls were evidently enjoying the attention from the men around the table. This attention doubled as we got more inebriated with Mike and Brayo who were rooting for Barcelona, getting increasingly desperate as their team soaked up goals.

Then Brayo got a call from his cousin, the guy was just arriving from upcountry and needed some company to wash the evening away. Brayo invited him and in less than an hour the guy arrived.

But, as soon as he approached our table, the second chick that had accompanied Frao almost choked on her drink. Innocently, we all rushed to rub her back. She continued to cough persistently, and after a while we had a booming voice. “Are you done or you still want to choke?”

There stood this behemoth of a man drilling his eyes into the girl. We were all taken aback of course, apart from the culprit. As it turned out, the chick was the guy’s newest clande that even his cousin Brayo was unaware off.

Despite our attempts to plead for our innocence, he would hear none of it. As fate would have it, she had shifted her seat and was now wedged between Mike and I. That made us prime suspects and it took the intervention of Brayo, otherwise I would have penned this piece from a hospital bed for injuries sustained while tuning a friend’s girlfriend.