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Ode to ignored heroes in our midst

Counties

hero

As we celebrate freedom heroes and heroines in today’s Mashujaa Day commemorations there are many more mashujaa that we ought to toast to.

Look, if you did not appear on that scary Facebook page, Dead Beat Dads, you are a shujaa. Folks, it takes a great man to follow his seed. You have earned this public holiday. Have two beers, my editor will sort the bill!

If you know there is a girl you have been eyeing, whether it is at the bus stop early in the morning, a supermarket attendant or that sales executive that has been selling you stuff you don’t need, yet you buy every time she shows up, big up, man! You are a shujaa.

If you have gone ahead and poured your heart out despite the risk of failing miserably (you know how mean women have become nowadays), hell, you are an even bigger shujaa.

 Roll of honours

If you have managed to fuel your car all year round since the last Mashujaa Day, you are up there on the roll of honours.

You belong to the chosen few who have little experience crossing Waiyaki Way or Mombasa Road. It is no mean fete, order another beer, and forget Mututho, that party pooper!

If you can barge into your house at any time of the wee hours, fresh from quenching your thirst and wetting you throat with frothy waters, and your wife jumps out of the bed to open the door and even warms food for you, dude, you are a special shujaa. In fact, your place is guaranteed along Langata Road.

 Peace loving kenyan

No, not at the Langata Cemetery but at Uhuru Gardens’ Heros Corner. If you have been operating two or three clandes and so far they have all kept their peace, indeed you are a peace loving Kenyan who deserves to be given a medal. If your wife has no whiff of the new players on the scene; you are a three star hero.

For those who have heavily invested in their clandes to the point of renting them a house, you are in the league of extraordinary gentlemen. Hats off! Most of the men today are just keen to reap where they have not sowed.

They obviously have not read from the same script as Eneke the bird in Chinua Achebe’s ‘Things Fall Apart’. “Eneke the bird says that since men have learned to shoot without missing, he has learned to fly without perching.”

If you have remained truthful to the ‘Boys Code’, never at any one time even contemplating touching those boobs that seem to tease you every time your friend’s girlfriend pushes her hair back while talking to you, you are a tough guy (Girls, do you have to torture men with such stunts and act as if nothing happened?).

Trusted drinking buddies

If you have always been a trusted member of the ‘drinking buddies club’, who involves covering up their blunders when memsahib seems to smell a rat or answering those desperate midnight calls when your boy has been arrested by cops for drunk driving, you are a rare gem.

If your wife is expectant and in her third trimester; you are shujaa. Nowadays it takes hard work and a lot of convincing to convince a woman to conceive.

And even if you don’t fit into any of these categories, for many other unsavoury reasons, you are sure to be a shujaa.

 

 

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