Where did sound bite-spitting politicians go?

Most Kenyans must be missing the days of, “When you rattle a snake...”, “There comes a time...”, “Siasa mbaya...”, “I’d rather die than resign...” and related phrases and such gems from politicians always tickled us. After all the hype about a new Constitution and all the goodies that appertain to what hacks call a new dispensation, politics is fast becoming boring.

The Cabinet all of a sudden understands this animal called collective responsibility. And let’s be frank, nothing is as harmful to a gossip-loving public like a Cabinet that keeps mum.

It is certainly a difficult time to be a political journalist. You can only write so much about dialogue and referendum before you start running out of ideas as those anonymous ‘highly placed sources’ thin out.

It was more interesting in the times when some disgruntled Cabinet minister or a close aide would leak Cabinet minutes surreptitiously. The image of a burly minister in a suit a size bigger at the shoulders slinking away from a meeting with a phone in hand to leak some juicy bits comes to mind.

Quick lunch

Now everyone hides behind the phrase ‘Cabinet decision’, what does this even mean? Today there is no compulsion to listen to the One o’clock radio news bulletin, for what are the chances that anyone is going to be fired?

Heck, even Prezzo firing some underperforming hack is a tedious process he’d rather not get entangled in. Gone are the days when official drivers left immediate former ministers stranded after they were kicked out of government as they enjoyed a quick lunch.

It is all good that a government portrays a unified front, but the public needs its fix of rumours and muck-raking politicians.

It would certainly be interesting to throw a few foxes into the chicken house and see what happens. How the corporate-types would hack it in a cut-throat race for airtime and political mileage.

A Cabinet full of corporate types is killing even pub talk.

No impromptu press conferences or village harambees where you could call out that other Cabinet colleague you did not like.

Of course corporate types take this thing called communication very seriously and the chances of a few priceless sound bites are fast becoming a mirage.

That is of course unless it is about the fast-changing numbers of terrorists and whether they were terrorists at all. And even these are not memorable.

Spice up

We want the ‘...if you rattle a snake...” or “I’d rather die than resign” kind of quotes. Gems that ring in your head as you enjoy your ugali at supper.

Something to spice up your day as business reporters tell you about an expanding middle-class while you can’t pay your bills.

Tunaomba serikali, #bringbackourpoliticians.