Mr Stingy heckled by colleagues for buying skinny goat for staff party

Meta Meta School and scandals are bedfellows. Like Siamese twins, they are joined at the hip. The most recent scandal was kicked off by an innocent, ex-Mogotio resident.

The scandal escalated into a storm that engaged the entire staff. For the last five years, the administration has been renovating the former students’ wood work workshop into a staffroom.

Like many others across the country, the workshop fell victim to the obsession with mean points and school rankings. Subjects like metalwork, drawing and design, Home Science together with fine art have borne the brunt of this obsession.

Teacher Schola alleges that the workshop machines, the unused timber and assorted tools were ferried to a yard owned by Okonkwo’s relative. While the veracity of the rumour has never been ascertained, no proceeds of their sale were ever reflected in the school’s income column during AGMs.

The current staffroom has seen many decades, and is dilapidated. It leaks during rainy seasons, and we are forced to resort to buckets to harvest the rain water.

During a lunch break last term, a ceiling board caved in on Madam Donatta, rousing her from her lunchtime nap, and spoiling her new hairstyle. At least the incident made Okonkwo hasten the renovation work.

Hopes of an ultra-modern staffroom complete with hot showers to freshen up after PE lessons have, however, remain in Vision Meta 2050. The renovated staff room was declared ready as soon as Okonkwo arrived from the heads conference in Mombasa.

“Colleagues, I am pleased to announce that the new staffroom is ready for your use,” he declared. He wasn’t aware that members had already surveyed it and grabbed the spots they thought best for their desks.

Fasting animal

Madam Magarita, the C.U. patron, felt that we should not enter the new facility without prayers while Thunder proposed a party to celebrate the feat.

“We should at least eat a goat,” he observed. Donatta who claims that she doesn’t touch red meat was up in arms. She is as complex as ladies come.

I have once taken her out, and seen her chew a goat’s rib so clean one could have used it as a mirror! After a long debate, Aeneas was given the task of buying a goat while Donatta and schola won the tender for buying five chickens and sodas. On the official staff room opening day, I had hardly entered the school gate when I heard Schola’s voice.

“Socs, have you seen the goat that miser has bought for our party? She asked. Before I could even respond, she pulled me towards the kitchen. I was taken aback. The herbivore was so scrawny it was either malnourished or had been put on a dry fast for a whole month. It was a miracle that it still stood on its spindly legs.

Taunting Aeneas

Only the head and the horns confirmed it was indeed a goat. It wasn’t worth half the money Aeneas had been given. Within no time, the whole staff had come out to see the goat. Some wondered whether it was an emaciated cat with horns while others vowed they would not touch it if it was cooked. A protest ensued, with some members of staff heckling and taunting Aeneas.

“This is fraud. This thing is not worth half the money. In fact, we must call that organisation which fights for the welfare of animals,” someone whispered in disbelief. Okonkwo appeared and put the matter to rest. He instructed the bursar to order for meat from JJ’s, our popular local joint. “Tell Mr. Aeneas to come to my office,” he shouted as he walked away.

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