New HIV alert!

By Kiundu Waweru

Are you aware that if you are divorced or separated, you stand a higher chance of being infected with HIV? While previous studies showed that the virus thrived among married couples, they now reveal that those separated or divorced are at higher risk of infection.

Our new sister magazine, Sunday Magazine, to be launched tomorrow, warns that the institution of marriage is on its deathbed for various reasons. The expose indicates that more women are joining the singles club through separation and divorce. And it is these that the HIV has set its deadly sights on.

According to the latest Kenya Demographic and Healthy Survey (KDHS), HIV prevalence is at eight per cent among women of age 15-49, and four per cent among men in the same age group.

Worrying Trend

The peak prevalence among the women is at ages 40-44 (14 per cent), while prevalence among men is highest at ages 35-39 (ten per cent).

According to this report, divorced or separated women have a prevalence of 16.8 per cent, compared to 6.7 per cent of married or women living with a man. Compare this to the 9.7 and six per cent respectively among men.

The news is worrying. Just what makes separated or divorced women more vulnerable to HIV? Could it be that with their ‘free’ status, the women are engaging more in unprotected sex with multiple partners; or is their foray back in the dating world grown more dangerous?

PROVING A POINT

According to Lucy Muchiri, who works with women in the reproductive health sector, the ex-married women burst into the dating scene with vigour to prove a point. Says she: “Many marriages break up because of infidelity, mainly by unfaithful husbands and when their wives come out of it, some want to show their former partners that they too, can get men who think they are still attractive.”

Unfortunately for some of these women, HIV lies in wait in the dark shadows, infecting those who throw caution out of the window just for a few minutes of intimate action.

Anthony Kagiri, a marriage counsellor and relationship coach, adds that newly separated and divorced women desire to avenge their adulterous partners and “want to prove a point; the need to revenge,” he warns.

“Where there was no intimacy in the failed marriage, some women try to catch up on lost time and seek love from willing men, who could be infected, but will not reveal their status to the new catch.”

A commonly held belief is that marriage offers many couples some level of protection from sexually transmitted infections, especially if the partners are faithful or careful when they stray.

“The disparity between HIV prevalence among the separated and the single women could be as a result of the fact that the single women are more aware of the dangers lurking in the dating scene as they have been out and about, sometimes with multiple partners, and they have learnt to use protection,” he says.

The same, apparently, cannot be said of separated and divorced women, whose ‘safe’ mentality may extend outside their ‘married’ mindset and play out in the dating scene. As married women, many did not (or dare to) question their partners on suspected infidelities and thus did not use condoms, which is the surest way of protecting one against sexually transmitted infections like HIV.

‘SAFE’ MENTALITY

As new single women, some carry this fear out into the dating scene and thus avoid questioning their new dates on their sexual histories and instead engage in unprotected sex, thus becoming vulnerable to HIV infection.

According to Avert, an international HIV and Aids charity, women, rich or poor, do not have an upper hand while negotiating for sex. In addition, lower self-esteem brought on by separation and divorce, combined with a woman’s lowered socio-economic status reduced from a double income to a single one, forces some of them to hit the streets for commercial sex.

Christie, who married at a young age, shares her story: “I got married when I was young and I bore my husband three children. When the last born was a few months old, our fights escalated and we parted ways.”

Christie went back to her parents with the children and the husband stopped supporting them financially. Thus, to make ends meet, Christie, now a single mother, was forced to sleep with both married and single men for her children’s upkeep.

Dr Kennedy Ongaro, head of Community Development and a senior lecturer at Daystar University, says many divorced and separated women are forced into commercial sex due to circumstances.

“It is worse if the husband was the main breadwinner and, after the separation or divorce, the woman is left with the children. She then finds herself in an awkward situation and may be forced to sleep with men to make ends meet,” he says.

Dr Ongaro adds that other women feel the pressure to maintain their former socio-economic status that could have included living in a big house, taking children to the same costly private schools, and maintaining the previous lifestyle that was sustained by a double income. Due to this pressure, these women compromise on their morals to maintain their public image.

“Even if they had a marriage where both contributed financially, after a separation, things change and the woman needs to adjust especially if she is left with the children,” he says.

Those who refuse to adjust tend to engage in multiple relationships, where the men are sectioned to pay some of her bills.

Another interesting angle to the puzzle is perception of married men. Many people assume that they are not as vulnerable to HIV infection as single men, which is a fallacy. According to the KDHS, the HIV prevalence among married men is six per cent. Thus, when separated or divorced women meet a separated or divorced man, the assumption is that he is ‘safe’.

Says Ongaro: “Because of this wrong mentality, when a woman is dating a divorcee and they get intimate, they naively fail to use protection believing they are ‘safe’.”

CHILD-HEADED HOMES

Consequently, with the death of infected women, many households that were headed by them transform into child-headed homes. To avoid this unfortunate scenario, separated and divorced need to change their attitudes and play smart.

Meanwhile, the political factor has moved in to balance the socio-economic status of separated and divorced families. Recently, the Cabinet passed the Marriage Bill that is awaiting Parliament’s nod. The law provides for the maintenance of spouses and children in a situation where a marriage has broken down or divorce has occurred.

When it comes into effect, the proposed Marriage Law will legally recognise come-we-stay unions after six months and facilitate the protection of the rights of children and spouses in customary and polygamous marriages.