GLANCE FACTS
Glance
- Cheating breaks relationships
- Before confronting a cheating spouse, gather your evidence and present them as facts.
- Avoid being emotional even with the pain. Emotions crowd the situation and affects the clarity of the matter.
- If cheating persists and you two seem not able to resolve the issue, seek the help of a third party. It could be a counsellor, your best couple, a couple the two of you respect, a pastor or a respected family member.
This accelerates the matter from being a contest on whether or not they cheated, to why they did and how to deal with it. It helps to present facts.
Take time to talk about the matter and get a joint commitment of turning away from the affair/s.
If the issue recurs or the two of you don’t seem to be getting somewhere, seek the assistance of a third party. It could be a counsellor, a couple the two of you respect, a pastor or a respected family member.
When walking this road, one must remember it is not easy. One will get hurt, desperate, helpless and even feel like giving up, but it helps to gain your strength from within.
After the solo and intermediary efforts, most couples will find an understanding. The cheating partner will come to his senses, apologise and work towards regaining trust.
However, trust doesn’t happen overnight. It takes months, even years. All in all, the critical aspect is the willingness to make progress.
For serial cheaters, the odds of healing the marriage are minimal. So if this is the case, think of the safety of your heart and health and make a decision to stay or move out.
Even though you are a victim, you need to have a proper understanding of what was going wrong in the relationship or marriage before he/she cheated on you.
“Is there anything you did that led him/her away? This is a good question to ask a cheating partner,” advises Gary Neuman, author of The truth about cheating: Why men stray and what you can do about it.
However, this should not be discussed before admission of the wrong and devising a way out of it. Nothing can justify infidelity; we can only work towards making our lovers happier.
Forgiving is easy, forgetting is the hardest task. However hard it is, it is important for a couple to move on after an affair. Neuman cautions that reminding your spouse of their mistakes can convince them they are a failure and could soon send them back to the affair.
However, if you see a repeat of the tendencies you saw with him/her before he/she cheated, don’t let it pass, talk about it.
