Stuck with a HIV positive spouse

I’m married and have a five-year-old son. My husband is HIV positive, but through Gods grace, we are a discordant couple. The problem is that he is living in denial. He will not go for counselling no matter how hard I try to get him to go and he has refused to take any doctor’s advice. I try my best to be good to him even though he does not appreciate it and sometimes he becomes violent towards me. Sometime ago he developed genital herpes after which we stopped having sex for a while — our sex is always protected. Since then he cannot rise to the occasion when it comes to sex. Many times I have considered leaving him and starting out afresh, but I’m jobless and I come from a humble background. Going back to my parent’s home would be too much of a burden to them. I’m depressed and need help on what to do about this situation.

{Susan}

 

Your take:

Susan, it could be that your husband feels that you always see and treat him as a victim and this can kill a man’s libido. What he needs now is your support, motivation, good nutrition and love. Don’t remind him of his HIV status because he already knows it. Be there for him; treat him like any other woman would treat her husband. Protect yourself during intercourse with him and never think of divorcing him. What if it was you who was positive and he was negative?

{Felix – Oyugisnet}

 

That man is in denial, but I suspect that you may be using excessive pressure in your attempts to have him seek doctors’ advice. His loss of libido may be as a result of anxiety. Wouldn’t you feel so let down if he left you because you were HIV positive? Do not think about leaving him, but handle him as you would expect to be handled.

{Ouma Ragumo – Ukwala}

 

It looks like the main reason you live with your husband is because of what you get from him. It is not abnormal for someone who is HIV positive to go through the denial stage, nor is it abnormal to fail to rise to the occasion since that is the source of his trouble and anxiety will naturally set in. Be patient with him and slowly bring him round to accepting his status. You may also involve his best friend or professional counsellor, but leaving him may not solve any problem.

{Tasma Charles}