By Jennifer Karina
Charity’s husband loved showering her with lots of gifts, clothes, expensive jewellery and anything that he thought she desired. The latest was a brand new BMW strapped in silver and gold ribbon neatly tied with elaborate flower arrangement on the bonnet. Wow! What a sight to behold. She was celebrating her 40th birthday and her husband could not think of a better way to say, “I love you”!
Guess what? Charity was upset that the surprise was too expensive a purchase without consultation and, in any case, her husband was known to always buy her a gift after he had messed up.
Charity did not respond in the manner her husband anticipated. He was disappointed. He now feels rejected and the resentment has been building up. On the other hand, Charity feels frustrated, misunderstood and not loved.
It is not uncommon to find yourself in this situation. Many challenges in relationships stem from the fact that a couple is not communicating in a love language that is familiar to their partner. Consider this;?supposing you speak Kiswahili to someone who only understands English, you will not communicate effectively to them because they will not understand what you are saying. In the same way, when we do not communicate in your partner’s language of love, you are not able to connect.
Major problems can arise if someone who speaks this love language is in a relationship with another who despises spending unbudgeted money.
In such a case, it is important to remember that successful relationships require compromise.? If gifts are your way of communicating love to your mate, it may be worth recognising, appreciating and acknowledging that that’s the way they say ‘I love you’ or their way of apologising.
While we tend to speak from our primary love language, we may confuse or frustrate our partner when it is not theirs and they don’t quite understand what we are communicating. ?On the other side, if we want our partner to feel the love we are communicating, we should ‘translate’ our message into their primary love language.
What comes to us all naturally is to communicate with others in the way that we know how. However, relationships challenge us to think and behave outside of what comes to us instinctively. Make it your desire to understand your partner’s love language in order to communicate effectively and enjoy a fulfilling relationship.
This week, as you try to keenly understand your partner’s primary love language, I encourage you to actively and consciously communicate it. Remember that practise makes perfect.
The only way to enjoy fulfilling intimacy with your partner is by first communicating in the language they understand; and gifts are such a language. I’d love to hear your results!