When mum and dad fight

By Simon

In the earlier years, you didn’t notice it as much, but now they seem to be frequent and the magnitude sometimes escalates. Disagreements that create such thick tension you can almost feel it with the palm of your hands. Many times, the tension trickles down to you and your siblings, often causing a sombre atmosphere at home. Sometimes it gets physical, with mum always ending up on the receiving end. This is getting to you.

For some reason, you never get to know what they fight about, but again you can’t help but wonder what your role is in this? Should you try to intervene? Should you talk to either of them secretly to understand what is going on and try to help? Is it ok to involve another family member? These, among many other questions, constantly linger in your mind, but there are some things you need to know.

Get all the information

As a young adult, you will often find yourself in situations where you need to make decisions or act fast. In such situations, it is important to first arm yourself with the right information then use it to inform your decision. Here is what you need to know about what, how and why parents fight in order to make the right decisions and act accordingly.

Why do parents fight?

Universally, fights emerge when people feel shortchanged or unhappy with the actions of the other party. It is no different for your parents.

However, domestic fights usually revolve around expectations and more so where they are not managed properly. You will find that in life, it is just as difficult to manage other people’s expectations of you as it is to manage your expectations of them.

Most minor disagreements are based on unmanaged expectations and these are normal in any genuine and healthy relationship. It has nothing to do with them not loving or hating each other. 

What do they fight about?

The main issues include you (the children), money, infidelity or feelings of contempt. Nonetheless, the kind of fight can give you an indication about the cause or underlying problem. Cold war’s (not talking to each othe and appearing to be moody or unhappy) are usually just about expectations. One of the parties feels let down while the other has refused to accept the other’s line of thinking. They may also be caused by infidelity, disagreements or feelings of betrayal. Physical fights are indications of underlying sensitive issues, which persisted past the cold wars and, which keep re-emerging, causing increased tension. Unless one of your parents is naturally violent, physical fights are usually indicators of prolonged tension.

Your role?

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