Honourable cash cows

KEYA KINUTHIA trails MPs who totter on the brink of bankruptcyThe August house has been rather subdued of late. Actually, honorable members are more subdued than usual and, going by the looks on their faces, all might not be rosy in the revered chambers.And yet you would expect them to be smiling all the way to their constituencies, considering they will soon be sitting on seats worth Sh200,000. Besides, they still pretty much call the shots before governors and senators sneak in to dilute their stranglehold on CDF funds.But alas, things may not always be what they seem! It is said many honorable members turned down a soft mortgage loan issued to them by the Clerk of the Assembly to purchase houses. Shockingly, some of them seem ready to take off and never come back to the ‘bloody’ house as one of them angrily calls it. The once shiny faces have now become a forlorn example of how not to waste five years gnawing at skinless bones and parroting to an empty gallery.Credit crunchFact is many of our venerable leaders are running low on cash — the credit crunch notwithstanding. It is not for nothing that Parliament never seems to have quorum nowadays. Perhaps most of the members are out on the streets hustling for a quick buck — or ducking creditors.From issuing bouncing cheques and inability to meet rent obligations, some MPs are whispered to be so hard hit they have taken to lying low like Ole Ntimama’s infamous envelope. That is why, for instance, you will notice that certain MPs who had made a career out of attacking the Prime Minister seem to have gone mute!It is said that some sitting members take home less than Sh20,000 a month — peanuts that barely last a week. Now you have an idea why they rose up as one against the Kenya Revenue Authority. Taxing those peanuts would have rendered many of them destitute.CompromisedJust last week, a honourable Member charged that his colleagues had been compromised to let the Central Bank Governor off the hook over the near collapse of the shilling. Most telling was the allegation that some MPs had been bribed with as little as Sh5,000 — a bribe no self-respecting police station commander, whose salary is a mere Sh40,000, would accept. A member whose antics captivated the nation just after his election suddenly went quiet and no longer ‘swings’ drinks like he used to. The MP, a darling of reporters, used to pint and indulge them in expensive hotels while wining with exotic women from the orient, his preferred taste. He has since gone docile and is rumoured to be heavily in debt. So where does the loot go? According to Sharon, a young beauty who cavorts with a Member of Parliament, she gets an allowance because she has his baby. This is in addition to Sh50,000 in rent and a car loan that he is servicing for her. And we haven’t factored in other ‘fringe benefits’ that come with the deal.IcebergOne MP, however, says mistresses are just the tip of the iceberg. "I have a friend who spends a fortune buying the silence of two lasses and a couple of boys whom he had sexual rendezvous with," he says.Apparently, the member swings both ways so while others pay for the silence of dubious business fixers, he is busy paying to silence his sex toys!Another MP, however, bitterly complained about the hand-out culture, saying his salary, or the little that remains of it, is all dished out to constituents."Every time I go to my constituency, I come back no less than Sh50,000 poorer. From dishing out generously in countless funerals that only seem to prop up when I am there, to village elders making tributary visits to pledge allegiance and paying school fees for my campaigner’s children, I am a pauper even though my gross salary suggests that I’m a millionaire," the MP laments. "It is like my family gets nothing from the pain of serving the public."Survival tacticsA parliamentary reporter says that it is not out of the ordinary to see MPs eating and drinking on vouchers at the parliamentary cafeteria and employing common mwananchi survival tactics as early as the second week of the month."I have shared my packet of cigarettes at the chamber’s smoking zone countless times with members caught on lean times. I know a businessman who lent an MP Sh10,000 over three years ago. The mheshimiwa never picks his calls," says the reporter.Celebrities"Many of these guys have huge debts — bank loans for failed projects, mortgages, car loans, not to mention the cost supporting mistress and living like celebrities. At the end of the month, the brothers just have enough to feed their ‘real’ families and probably fuel the car," he reveals.A banker, who says some members even have problems servicing ‘small’ loans, supports this view."One member, who is supposed to pay Sh22,000 per month, is three months in arrears — money that many high school teachers remit monthly without getting followed up," says the banker.As the reality that many of them might not be re-elected sets in, most MPs are squeezing deeper in their near empty pockets to clear pending financial obligations, lest they are voted out with massive debts."I have a car loan, a mortgage and a business loan, in addition to my wife’s car loan and an asset facility I took with my banker. If I am not re-elected, I will be in hot soup!" confides one MP.Camped"You will be surprised I still manage to make it to the constituency every weekend because as a matter of fact, my economic status cannot support those trips anymore. I feel like I have wasted five years of my life — time I will never recover, considering I went into Parliament more secure financially than I am now," the MP complains.Most parliamentarians, therefore, resort to time tested and sneaky methods to evade meeting their constituents. Not surprisingly, constituents complain to have camped outside Continental House close to one month without setting eyes on their MPs.One MP says he only sleeps in his rural home when he arrives deep in the night. But even then, villagers somehow always know he has come, such that when he wakes up in the morning, he always finds a ‘public rally’ of constituents waiting for money in his homestead.Rural home"When I have a function in my constituency, I always sleep at a hotel 50 kilometres away. People practically camp in my home. It’s such a nuisance," he complains. Often, expectations are so high that many MPs have to live a lie. A friend says he was amused when he spent a night at an MP’s rural home only to realise the gated compound, manicured fences and lawns, and elegantly furnished living room were a faÁade."Apart from the living room, the rest of the house was incomplete. Neither the floors nor the walls were plastered. But the big man needed to ‘cheat’ his constituents that he was doing well!" he says. AccidentSo it seems life as an honorable member does come with its dishonorable ways to make ends meet and a life on the fast lane. But like all lives on the fast lane, they reach the other end faster than one can say ‘accident’. It’s worse because they must cough Sh20 million — money that they clearly don’t have — to be re-elected so that they can continue paying their debts and baby-sitting ravenous constituents.

Honourable cash cows

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